IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reason for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#people #lives #reason
Some individuals prefer to stay in the
place
 where they were born ****
due to
 the absence of money for
relocation
 or their loyalty to the motherland.
Although
this
 approach has its positive sides
such
 as convenience and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of security, it has
such
 drawbacks as stagnation and lack of diversity in
life
. When
people
 choose to live their whole
life
 near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 home town, it can be caused by several factors. First of all, financial issues can have a significant influence on their decision since sometimes
relocation
 can be extremely expensive.
Secondly
, their desire to stay may exist
due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 loyalty to their
morherland
Correct your spelling
motherland
.
For example
, some
people
 will not leave their village or city notwithstanding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
circuimstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 as war. On the one hand, there are a few benefits of staying in the
place
 where you were born. It is very
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to live there
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there is a high chance that your relatives or school friends
also
 continue to live there and can provide you
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
helping hand when needed. It leads to the immanent feeling of security for locals which can play a significant role in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
people
 who do not change their habitat during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole
life
 can face many drawbacks.
For example
, individuals may stop their personal development when they do not have significant challenges in their
life
 (
such
 as
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 to find a comfort zone in the new
place
 after
relocation
). On top of that, their personal development lacks
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
diversity since they do not meet a lot of new
different
Correct word choice
and different
show examples
people
 during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lifetime. In conclusion,
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 side and personal traits are crucial when considering the reasons behind an idea to dedicate a
life
 to one
place
while
such
Add an article
the such
a such
show examples
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
show examples
 has its positive and negative sides. It should be mentioned, that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balanced approach should be used
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 deciding on
such
 an important matter as
relocation
.
Submitted by korteseg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Settlement
  • Hometown
  • Roots
  • Community
  • Emotional attachment
  • Sense of familiarity
  • Social network
  • Bond
  • Safety
  • Proximity
  • Support system
  • Heritage
  • Limited options
  • Risk aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Unfamiliarity
  • Exploration
  • Adventurous spirit
What to do next:
Look at other essays: