IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays people are influenced by fashion, in particular when choosing their clothes and hairstyle. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

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Introduction
Fashion
Use synonyms
 is
lifestyle
Add an article
a lifestyle
show examples
 in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the world, especially
with
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the young. It has a trend to impact the ways of individuals of clothes and their
hairstyle
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 and negative improvement in society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 issue totally.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
fashion
Use synonyms
 is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 income for the country. It means when the country is fined new material and
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
show examples
 it in a souq or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
website
Correct article usage
a website
show examples
 it will become growth in
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. The clothes either for the old or the young
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
Body paragraph 2
When come new design all people go faster to buy it and they don’t see a price it is
cheep
Correct your spelling
cheap
show examples
 or expensive, doesn’t matter
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 that moment, so the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
be increase
Change the verb form
be increased
show examples
. And
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 is
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 up online from
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 country.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
fashion
Use synonyms
 mostly in
hairstyle
Use synonyms
, in many cases, can lead to
behave
Change the verb form
behaving
show examples
 badly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people. Rooster shape,
for instance
Linking Words
,
is usually find
Change the verb form
is usually found
show examples
 among teens.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
hairstyle
Use synonyms
 disgust
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
Linking Words
, youth who find themselves under the influence of
this
Linking Words
 type
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
hairstyle
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In end,
fashion
Use synonyms
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
 how people select their
dressing
Replace the word
dress
show examples
 and
hairstyle
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would argue that it has positive and negative growth as well.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • individual identity
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • fashion industry
  • influencers
  • subcultures
  • superficial values
  • conformity
  • authenticity
  • unrealistic standards
  • self-esteem
  • mental health
  • body dysmorphia
  • eating disorders
What to do next:
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