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Band 5.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
The human being works brutally in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fast-paced life .
According to
 a number of
people
 , the motive behind hard
work
 is to get
money
.
while
money
 is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 purpose for
people
 to
work
 hard , As far as I am concerned , individuals have other motives to gain in their professional life Many
people
work
 diligently to gain more financial prospects . There is no denying that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 is significant
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
fulful
Correct your spelling
fulfil
the basic necessities including food , shelter ,
clothes
Correct word choice
and clothes
show examples
. If one
wish
Change the verb form
wishes
show examples
 to have all luxuries and high standards , he might put tremendous effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 working overnight to gain more cash . Many
people
work
 hard to meet their living
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
.
However
 , there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
number of professions which are chosen by
people
 because of their
passionate
Replace the word
passion
show examples
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
people
 remain glued even if they earn less .
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 painters have gained popularity in recent years and earlier
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 used to opt for these domains as they have
job
 satisfaction and enthusiasm for their
job
.
Hence
 , love for the profession is
also
 a reason behind hard
work
.
Moreover
 , there are some
people
Correct pronoun usage
who continus
show examples
continus
Correct your spelling
continue
continues
 to strive hard even if they are millionaires because they have a passion for their
job
 . in conclusion, many
people
work
 hard
due to
 several reasons. I partly agree with the view that
money
 is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
factor
Add the particle
to factor
show examples
 in the level of hard
work
 , I
also
 believe that self-confidence and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
passion for the
job
 are equally
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
determinant
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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