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Band 6

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, the development of technologies makes
smartphones
 become much more popular than in the past
due to
 affordable cost and easy
use
.
Therefore
, a large number of
parents
 allow their
children
 to
use
smartphones
 leads to spending hours using them. There are several main reasons for
this
 situation
such
 as a lack of management from their
parents
 or a shortage of knowledge about
smartphones
 drawbacks. In my opinion, I suppose it is a negative development. On the one hand, fathers and mothers play an important part in
this
 case, thanks to the responsibility to not be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
children
, and the responsibility to stop in
time
 one wrongdoing.
Moreover
, they do not spend enough
time
 on play with their
children
,
hence
 their offsprings
use
smartphones
 as a way to entertain for a long
time
 which may cause addiction.
For instance
, numerous kinds of research have indicated that numerous young couples lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience in teaching their babies,
as a result
, they often open videos on Youtube or Facebook to help their babies eat faster.
However
, they do not predict the pessimistic effects on their
children
's growth if they have done it for a long
time
. When their offsprings are too young to know the backsides of
smartphones
, they can misuse these devices to entertain without control.
In addition
, they can face up with numerous wrong knowledge when they access the Internet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and social network which can cause wrongdoings and misperceptions. My younger brother is a good example, he has used a mobile phone since 5 years old, and after around one year, he told swearing sentences and bullied his classmates. It doesn't stop there, he played games anytime he can, and
as a result
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 he got bad points in school, and my
parents
 bored with him. In conclusion,
parents
 should considerably decide to their
children
 own a smart device, which can cause terrible sequence if they do not know to
use
 these devices in an effective way.
Submitted by duongducanh06 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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