IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some students to take a gap years after graduating high school to work and/or travel . The advantages and disadvantages of this

#students #gap #years #school #work #travel
On the educational aspect ,
instead
 of attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university , many graduated students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decide to take a gap year for purposes of working
as well as
 travelling . From my point of view , I actually believe that
this
 is an accurate way which could bring useful things for preparations in the future . To start with positive impacts , taking a gap year to work and travel would give students a variety of opportunities to relax and look for meaningful experiences . Because of difficulties and pressures during the period of high
school
 , so
this
 is a rare occasion to rest and recover both mental and physical health . When working and travelling , people may find out a lot of amazing things which they have never
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
learned in
school
 time . These could help them to increase knowledge about lots of aspects of life namely : other cultures and the diversity of civilizations .
Moreover
 ,
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will realize special and suitable chances to explore and develop by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
For example
 ,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who graduated high
school
 , after
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 approximately 1 or 2 years working or discovering ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be given many useful experiences and
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 mind to cope effectively with risks and hardships that
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 never teach . But on the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, spending too much time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working or visiting can cause some negative influences .
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 way , many people tend not to concentrate mostly on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
 , so dropping out of
school
 is possible. The priority of university is building up
foundation
Correct article usage
a foundation
show examples
 for people to get ready
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 future careers . And when
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 does not look
education
Change preposition
at education
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
show examples
 thing , they seem to remove a part of
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 for themselves to receive high-paid
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Despite the
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 sometimes taking a gap year for other purpose have serious drawbacks . Personally , I always assume that
that is
 a productive solution for students who just got over senior years with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of pressures and exhausted states .
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: