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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some students to take a gap years after graduating high school to work and/or travel . The advantages and disadvantages of this

#students #gap #years #school #work #travel
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On the educational aspect ,
instead
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 of attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university , many graduated students
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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decide to take a gap year for purposes of working
as well as
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 travelling . From my point of view , I actually believe that
this
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 is an accurate way which could bring useful things for preparations in the future . To start with positive impacts , taking a gap year to work and travel would give students a variety of opportunities to relax and look for meaningful experiences . Because of difficulties and pressures during the period of high
school
Use synonyms
 , so
this
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 is a rare occasion to rest and recover both mental and physical health . When working and travelling , people may find out a lot of amazing things which they have never
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learned in
school
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 time . These could help them to increase knowledge about lots of aspects of life namely : other cultures and the diversity of civilizations .
Moreover
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 ,
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the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 will realize special and suitable chances to explore and develop by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.
For example
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 ,
person
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the person
a person
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 who graduated high
school
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 , after
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
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 approximately 1 or 2 years working or discovering ,
they
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apply
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would be given many useful experiences and
strong
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a strong
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 mind to cope effectively with risks and hardships that
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the teacher
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 never teach . But on the other
hands
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hand
show examples
, spending too much time
for
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apply
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working or visiting can cause some negative influences .
By
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In
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this
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 way , many people tend not to concentrate mostly on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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 , so dropping out of
school
Use synonyms
 is possible. The priority of university is building up
foundation
Correct article usage
a foundation
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 for people to get ready
with
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for
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 future careers . And when
student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 does not look
education
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at education
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like
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as
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necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
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 thing , they seem to remove a part of
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 for themselves to receive high-paid
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. Despite the
fact
Add a comma
,fact
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the
Correct your spelling
that
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 sometimes taking a gap year for other purpose have serious drawbacks . Personally , I always assume that
that is
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 a productive solution for students who just got over senior years with
a
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apply
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plenty of pressures and exhausted states .
Submitted by honglethiminh1975 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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