IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages togeather. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages #togeather
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Someone might
siad
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said
 that
music
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 is like
a
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apply
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magic because it can
be use
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be used
show examples
 as a tool to merge
people
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 around the world with
diffrence
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different
cultures
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 and
brackground
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background
backgrounds
 to
brend
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blend
 in as one. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 totally agree so
i
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I
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 will elaborate
my
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on my
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 point of view below.
Music
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 can play with
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people
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people's
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emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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 so that it can make
people
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 from different background bren in together easily. For the reason is that
in
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
music
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the music
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 itself have
rythm
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rhythm
 or lyric that can make
people
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 feel the same even if they are different in
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 or
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cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
someone
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they
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do
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does
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 not know each
others
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other
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 before and just met could be
immediatly
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immediately
 feel
colser
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closer
colder
 by the
music
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 because
music
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 might
related
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be related
relate
show examples
 to their emotion or previous life history. So that even
we
Correct word choice
though we
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 come from different
cultures
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 and
ages
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 but emotions or the feel of
people
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 do not care about it.
Furthermore
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,
music
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 has
it
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its
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 own style or genre as well.
People
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 who love the same style of
music
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 can be easier to get closer because we can pick up something to talk about it and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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come much
knowing
Replace the word
knowledge
show examples
of
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about
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 without knowing
easch
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each
 other before.
For example
Linking Words
, when we come from
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
ages
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 and
cultures
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 it can be difficult to talk with but if we love the same style of
music
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 it is enough to have something to talk
Change preposition
about togeather
show examples
togeather
Correct your spelling
together
. In conclusion,
Music
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 might be a good tool
to
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for
show examples
 bringing
people
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 together but it
also
Linking Words
need
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needs
show examples
 a good knowledge of
music
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 as well. So
that
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apply
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we can say that
music
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 is a great thing to make
people
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 closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different
cultures
Use synonyms
 and
ages
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • transcend
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural barriers
  • linguistic barriers
  • cultural exchange
  • traditions
  • instruments
  • rhythms
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • diversity
  • intergenerational bonding
  • age gap
  • popular music trends
  • global events
  • festivals
  • shared experiences
  • sense of community
  • technological advances
  • digital platforms
  • streaming services
  • accessible
  • cross-cultural
  • connections
What to do next:
Look at other essays: