Many factured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Sugar
is one of the most frequent additional nutrients consumed by humans. Food and beverages made in factories contain much
sugar
that has a bad impact on
humans'
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humans
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lifestyles. Some
people
say that those factory-made goods should cost a lot so that
people
will be less attracted to
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
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high-
sugar
products
and prefer to purchase low-
sugar
ones. I personally agree
if
Correct word choice
that
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the price of sugary
products
has to rise as it will reduce the ingredient budgets and persuade
people
to switch to
less-
Correct your spelling
less sugar
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sugar
. One of the
reason
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reasons
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for
companies
to make
less
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fewer
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sugar
products
is that
sugar
is
as
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a
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high-demand
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a high-demand
the high-demand
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commodity and cost more than
average
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the average
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price. In Indonesia,
for example
, sellers in food stalls sometimes use another sweetener
that is
cheaper than
sugar
to gain more profit. If
companies
could reduce
sugar
in their
products
, they will get more profit as the sellers do. So, reducing
sugar
content can give benefit not only
for
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apply
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humans but
also
for
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apply
show examples
the business itself. When
companies
can cut their budget off of one of
ingredients
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the ingredients
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, it might not seem like they reach the end of
problem
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the problem
a problem
show examples
, indeed, because reducing
volume
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the volume
show examples
of
sugar
means changing the recipes.
Companies
have to adjust the taste again to be as tasty as possible.
However
, it will not become a burden as they have teams to handle it.
On the other hand
, they should focus more on healthy
products
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product
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marketing so that
people
will be more interested in these new
impovement
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improvements
. In conclusion, even though sweet meals and drinks are really
appeeling
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appealing
for
people
of any age, they bring about
health
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a health
the health
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problem
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problems
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. As
society
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a society
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member
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members
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,
companies
should contribute to
encourage
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encouraging
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people
to consume less
sugar
as it
also
can make more money. If
this
bad habit still continues,
people
will have less chance to live longer.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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