Many factured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Sugar
is one of the most frequent additional nutrients consumed by humans. Food and beverages made in factories contain much sugar
that has a bad impact on humans'
lifestyles. Some Change noun form
humans
people
say that those factory-made goods should cost a lot so that people
will be less attracted to consume
high-Wrong verb form
consuming
sugar
products
and prefer to purchase low-sugar
ones. I personally agree if
the price of sugary Correct word choice
that
products
has to rise as it will reduce the ingredient budgets and persuade people
to switch to less-
Correct your spelling
less sugar
sugar
.
One of the reason
for Change to a plural noun
reasons
companies
to make less
Change the quantifier
fewer
sugar
products
is that sugar
is as
Correct your spelling
a
high-demand
commodity and cost more than Add an article
a high-demand
the high-demand
average
price. In Indonesia, Correct article usage
the average
for example
, sellers in food stalls sometimes use another sweetener that is
cheaper than sugar
to gain more profit. If companies
could reduce sugar
in their products
, they will get more profit as the sellers do. So, reducing sugar
content can give benefit not only for
humans but Change preposition
apply
also
for
the business itself.
When Change preposition
apply
companies
can cut their budget off of one of ingredients
, it might not seem like they reach the end of Add an article
the ingredients
problem
, indeed, because reducing Add an article
the problem
a problem
volume
of Add an article
the volume
sugar
means changing the recipes. Companies
have to adjust the taste again to be as tasty as possible. However
, it will not become a burden as they have teams to handle it. On the other hand
, they should focus more on healthy products
marketing so that Change the noun form
product
people
will be more interested in these new impovement
.
In conclusion, even though sweet meals and drinks are really Correct your spelling
improvements
appeeling
for Correct your spelling
appealing
people
of any age, they bring about health
Add an article
a health
the health
problem
. As Fix the agreement mistake
problems
society
Add an article
a society
member
, Fix the agreement mistake
members
companies
should contribute to encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
people
to consume less sugar
as it also
can make more money. If this
bad habit still continues, people
will have less chance to live longer.Submitted by salwafahanim on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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