IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the retirement age should be raised significantly, given that average life expectancy has increased greatly. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #retirement #age #life #expectancy
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There are enough discussions about the allowance that people
reseive
Correct your spelling
receive
 and one of them is the extension of the
retirement
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age
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, Some have argued that because many people are living much longer the
age
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which
Change preposition
at which
show examples
 people retire considerably. From my perspective, I disagree with
proposal
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the proposal
show examples
.
This
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 essay will
demostrate
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demonstrate
 why its proponents are correct. On the one hand,
alhtough
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although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 is longer
wworkers
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workers
 are at a certain
age
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 which makes them less active and unable to adapt to the physical demand of their work, especially
the
Change preposition
in the
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 creative and craft profession.
For instance
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, as
employeea
Correct your spelling
employees
employee
 get older, their brains become less active and have more difficulty
aequiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
requiring
 new necessary skills for new projects or competing with younger employees.
In addition
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, their eyes deteriorate.
As a result
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, they make more mistakes in documents or tasks that require development.
On the other hand
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,
besides
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 some
drawbacks
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,drawbacks
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 everyone has
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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dreams about their life so determining a specific
age
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 is
also
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 limiting the liberty of humans.
For example
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, many seniors are planning to travel around the world, visit new places and meet new cultures.
Furthermore
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, some of them are dreaming about a change
their
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in their
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 carrier or establishing their own business. So, late
retirement
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 limits human rights and respect.
To conclude
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, considering the aforementioned points, it can be inferred that
this
Linking Words
 essay argued why the
retirement
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age
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 needs to be chosen by workers and equality workers who can
secrifice
Correct your spelling
sacrifice
 their pension for their dreams need to benefit from early
retirement
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by brookland.school.uzb on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • life expectancy
  • economic sustainability
  • workforce participation
  • elderly population
  • pension schemes
  • inter-generational fairness
  • mandatory retirement
  • ageism
  • job market competition
  • financial security
  • age demographics
  • automation
  • social welfare
  • active aging
What to do next:
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