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Writing Samples /
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph gives information about how many
shops
 newly started their businesses and those which closed in a country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 numerous CEOs started their businesses steadily
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in the given timeframe, except for two years between 2012 and 2014.
On the other hand
,
shops
decided
Correct pronoun usage
that decided
show examples
 to terminate providing their services mainly fluctuated during the entire period. As for the number of shop openings, the graph shows it had been dramatically falling from 8,500 in 2011 to about 4,000 in 2012. After that, from 2012 to 2014,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 range of
shops
 freshly opened gradually increased and reach a peak at 6,100.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 2015, they started going down again.
Finally
, only 3,000
shops
 were newly generated. When it comes to the number of shop closures, it rose to 7,000 in 2013 and reached a high. But it dropped to approximately 6,500 in 2014 and hit the bottom in 2015,
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 only 1,000
shops
 closed.
Next,
more
shops
 began to stop offering their services
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2016 and remained stable until 2018, slightly over 6,000.
Submitted by 98shs on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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