Some children spend hours every day on their samrtphones. why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #hours #samrtphones #case #development

Nowadays, some

children

spent plenty of time using their smartphones. Personally, I believe that lack of

cares

Fix the agreement mistake

care

show examples

by their

parents

is the main reason why

this

advancement happened.

In addition

, I considered

this

as a negative

development

because distracting from learning and impacting health are two primary problems which will happen. With regards to the lacking care by

parents

, in recent years, most

parents

are busy at work.

Additionally

, they do not have time to accompany their

children

That is

the reason why

parents

provide smartphones to ensure their

children

's safety.

As a result

, these

children

are using their mobile phones without

parents'

Correct pronoun usage

their parents'

show examples

limits.

For example

Remove the article

apply

show examples

research from the Education Ministry, a large number of

children

was given mobile phones by their

parents

, some of them using them 5 hours per day or even 15 hours without

parents’

Correct pronoun usage

their parents’

show examples

awareness. The first and most serious problem of spending hours on phones for

children

is health problems. These

children

may overuse their eyes without relaxation.

Furthermore

, they may stay at a certain place for a long period without doing exercise. Eventually, their weight increases and their sight is damaged.

Apart from

this

development

also

influences

children

’s education, since they are addicted to smartphones,

such

as playing video games, watching films or other entertainment. These activities have them distract from learning and not focus on their school work. In conclusion, lack of care from

parents

is the main reason why

this

development

happened,

while

I believe

this

is a negative

development

because their health will be impacted.

Moreover

, they might fail in studying and learning.

Submitted by anitawu1992 on Wed Mar 29 2023

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

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Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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