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Band 3.5

Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?

#men #jobs #government #percentage #women
In recent years, it is common
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
 man does the most of high-level jobs. It is believed that certain head
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 in some companies required the male gender
instead
 of giving opportunities to
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
 opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
women
 should be given the same opportunities to have equal
responsibility
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will explain both perspectives of views. On one hand, it is understood that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of men
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the alpha of some families, so they have the biggest
responsibility
 by working hard and reaching the highest career in
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
working place. Obviously, it affects the
responsibility
 of
women
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, since they should step aside
Change preposition
from her
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 career by taking care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and children.
As a result
, 75% of
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
 population in the world accept the condition to become
housewife
Fix the agreement mistake
housewives
show examples
instead
 of catching
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 dream as a high-level board or top
business-woman
Correct your spelling
businesswoman
show examples
. In
this
 part,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 as the regulator can be the third party to issue some regulations,
such
 as issuing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexible working
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 rules for some career
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 who
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in some companies in the state
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or giving them the opportunity for working from home to maintain
relationship
Add an article
a relationship
the relationship
show examples
 with her kids or family. In conclusion, I believe not only men
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can do mostly specific jobs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
women
 can be the party which contribute to
these
Change the determiner
this responsibility
these responsibilities
show examples
responsibility
.
However
, the government should be the party to create the environment for both parties.
Submitted by adimk02 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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