Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In some perspectives, commercial institutions could gain more attention and boost their revenue based on
advertisements
, while
the opponents argue such
means of promoting provoke a simple standard of beauty which lower
people's self-esteem.
Replace the word
lowers
To begin
with, since celebrities with perfect physical figures and stunning faces could make one's product more valuable, and stimulate a trend of imitation among young individuals, a growing number of companies are willing to invest a tidy sum in advertisements
. For example
, as one of the most famous underwear brands
, Victoria's Secret is known in favour of hiring skinny models, they even refuse to produce their products in large sizes, making young girls proud of being able to fit in their clothes. Fast expending of such
brands
indicates that they make a bank out of such
methods.
On the other hand
, a growing number of young individuals rely on unhealthy ways to lose wights
, including extremist diets or smoking. Correct your spelling
weight
While
those famous brands
enjoy a great number of profits gained from advertisements
as such
, thousands and millions of young people struggling with eating disorders and mental illnesses. On top of that, those who are not able to reach that modern beauty standard see themselves as looser, not only will they lose confidence in public, but in some drastic situation, they might hurt themselves. Take those models on catwalks as an example, they are appreciated by many people, however
, little do they know, to maintain what so-called perfect figure, those models are pickier with their outlook, which makes most of them dislike how they look.
To conclude
, it is inevitable that advertisements
could benefit brands
with their fame and income, however
, the potential hazards it
Correct pronoun usage
they
causes
should not be overlookedCorrect subject-verb agreement
cause
,
since they could endanger the younger generation, physically and mentally. Remove the comma
apply
Therefore
, in my opinion, I believe there are more disadvantages than positive effects regarding commercial advertisements
.Submitted by unapoya0916 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and states your opinion to set the stage for discussion.
logical structure
Use more signposting language (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "on the other hand") to better guide the reader through your arguments.
complete response
The essay covers both perspectives on the issue and provides a clear opinion in the conclusion.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are provided, such as the mention of Victoria's Secret, to illustrate the points made.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?