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Band 6

Topic: In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

#topic #countries #people #areas
In
this
 day and age, citizens especially want to find some
opportunities
 and change
are
Correct word choice
and are
show examples
 making the move from their rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to the big
cities
 with a desire for a career, a learning opportunity, or a desire to change lives. From my point of view , there are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why
people
 migrate to
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and the problems associated with it.
To begin
 with, young
people
 leaving is that the business and career
opportunities
 offered in
cities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 appealing.
For example
,
it is clear that
 in Vietnam , many multinational companies
such
 as LG,
Samsung
Correct word choice
and Samsung
show examples
 set up factories in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
,
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 management job
opportunities
 which attract a lot of workers.
As a result
, they can earn
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to make and meet.
In addition
, big
cities
 have more educational
opportunities
, with better resources and advanced technology.
Besides
 studying in class, students need to search for learning materials from large
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
 to
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 learning needs of students.
Moreover
, the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 with a series of commercial
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, bookstores, used bookstores,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
 fun activities, entertainment, shopping... taking place regularly will help students relax after a
nerve racking
Add a hyphen
nerve-racking
show examples
 day.
However
, there can be disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
 moves.
Firstly
, traffic congestion and industrial manufacturing are prominent features of the urban landscape, which take their toll on the natural environment and those who depend on it.
For instance
, air pollution from both cars and factory emissions
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the health of countless urban residents.
Socondly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, crime rates are significantly higher in densely populated urban regions than in rural areas. Because urbanization entails migration or immigration of
people
 from rural areas to
cities
.
This
 can lead to consequences
such
 as an increase in the number of
people
 and the rate of unemployment. In conclusion, with a better economy,
cities
 provide their residents with better welfare. I think the government should
also
 take measures to solve traffic problems
as well as
 crime rates so that
people
 have a better life.
Submitted by phuongthao.3822 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • metropolis
  • infrastructure
  • amenities
  • rural exodus
  • standard of living
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
  • job prospects
  • overpopulation
  • housing crisis
  • public transport
  • sanitation issues
  • agricultural decline
  • workforce
  • traditional values
  • cultural diversity
  • environmental impact
  • pollution
  • green spaces
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