Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from a lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

#experts #people #time #exercise #lives #lack #fitness

Some

people

believe that

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

community will be stronger and more delighted

according to

communication in the social relationship

as well as

a workout every single day.

Nevertheless

, they are tough to implement in exercise.

This

essay

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

delve into the reasons behind

this

and propose certain solutions to deal with the issue. There are several causes

to lead

Verb problem

for

show examples

this

trend.

Firstly

, for these aged

people

who are unstable in physical health, it will be hard movement and they conventionally need

to assist

Wrong verb form

assistance

show examples

from other

people

Hence

, they would like

confine

Replace the word

confined

show examples

in bed for many hours.

Secondly

, they

almost

Rephrase

apply

show examples

spend many

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

staying at home,

this

is a reason why I don’t have many outside relationships leading to

they

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

can’t associate

Verb problem

not being able

show examples

to communicate and gradually having the isolate and boredom

feeling

Verb problem

apply

show examples

in their life. Fortunately,

having

Wrong verb form

we have

show examples

some solutions which make

this

decision. First of all, the government needs to encourage about positive lifestyle for old

people

and

then

celebrate some activities which must be suitable in terms of their movement

as well as

provide these policies which serve and assistance by these volunteers who always stay with them in order to share and talk.

Furthermore

, it’s based on

this

plan that they

also

have friends more and treatment for mental health which will no longer feel sole. In conclusion, older

people

have a trend about sedentary and isolated

due to

age-related sicknesses that restrict movement issues. In my opinion, they need to participate in these activities in society in order to have good physicality and meet new

people

Submitted by huuhung1962001 on Thu Mar 30 2023

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Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more cohesively.

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from a lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries it is common for families to own and run their own business. Some people think this is the best way to run a business, while others considered this a potential source of problems. Discuss both sides and Give your opinion.

Nowadays, instead of locally sourced produce, many supermarkets sell a variety of foods imported from countries all across the world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that unpaid community activity service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children.) To what extent do you agree or degree?