IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Experts say if older people spend their time with other people and exercise daily their lives will be happier and healthier. However many elderly are suffering from a lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.

#experts #people #time #exercise #lives #lack #fitness
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Some
people
 believe that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 community will be stronger and more delighted
according to
 communication in the social relationship
as well as
 a workout every single day.
Nevertheless
, they are tough to implement in exercise.
This
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 delve into the reasons behind
this
 and propose certain solutions to deal with the issue. There are several causes
to lead
Verb problem
for
show examples
this
 trend.
Firstly
, for these aged
people
 who are unstable in physical health, it will be hard movement and they conventionally need
to assist
Wrong verb form
assistance
show examples
 from other
people
.
Hence
, they would like
confine
Replace the word
confined
show examples
 in bed for many hours.
Secondly
, they
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
spend many
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 staying at home,
this
 is a reason why I don’t have many outside relationships leading to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
can’t associate
Verb problem
not being able
show examples
 to communicate and gradually having the isolate and boredom
feeling
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in their life. Fortunately,
having
Wrong verb form
we have
show examples
 some solutions which make
this
 decision. First of all, the government needs to encourage about positive lifestyle for old
people
 and
then
 celebrate some activities which must be suitable in terms of their movement
as well as
 provide these policies which serve and assistance by these volunteers who always stay with them in order to share and talk.
Furthermore
, it’s based on
this
 plan that they
also
 have friends more and treatment for mental health which will no longer feel sole. In conclusion, older
people
 have a trend about sedentary and isolated
due to
 age-related sicknesses that restrict movement issues. In my opinion, they need to participate in these activities in society in order to have good physicality and meet new
people
.
Submitted by huuhung1962001 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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