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Writing Samples
Band 3

It is true that many children enjoy using smartphones. However, by overusing mobile devices, children’s communication skill development and precious family time will be reduced.

#children #smartphones #devices #children’s #communication #skill #development #time
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High technology devices
such
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 as smartphones play an important role not only in
a
Change the article
an
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 adult’s life
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 in the new generation
adolescent’s
Change preposition
of adolescent’s
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 life. Some might support that
smarphones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
 provide opportunities and useful knowledge to these
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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.
In contrast
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, the number of
new
Change the word
newly
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 released IOS or android games increased sharply through these years.
This
Linking Words
 number indicates that more and more
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 used their phones for entertainment purposes.
For example
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, surprisingly, my nephew’s
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
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 shows 3 times higher than that
of
Change preposition
apply
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mine, mostly on an online streaming platform.
While
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 many people show no concern toward
this
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 situation, I held
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opposite idea. There are several negative consequences
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 from overusing a mobile device in
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. Because watching live streamings and playing games are one-way communication,
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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 will not be able to develop their social skills properly.
For example
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, a
game addicted
Add a hyphen
game-addicted
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 adolescent could not fluently express his or her ideas in class.
Moreover
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, time spent on these devices will run over precious time with their parents. Through interacting with real people,
Use synonyms
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 can learn new skills
such
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 as speaking and listening.
For instance
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, when I was young, my mom used to read me bedtime stories. Currently, influenced by those story books, I love to read
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of books, fiction or non-fiction. In conclusion,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
high technology
Add a hyphen
high-technology
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 communication tools are
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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 and useful,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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because young kids are blindly overusing these innovations,
hence
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, it could
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 a negative impact
instead
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 of a positive one.
Submitted by purita.w on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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