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Band 5

People should look after their health as a duty for the society, rather than for personal benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #duty #society
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that it is important for residents to take care of their well-being
like
Change preposition
through
show examples
 social responsibility
instead
 of individual perks.
While
this
 opinion is limited to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of it. Without a shadow of a doubt, citizens had better take care of their both mental and physical
health
. Clearly, keeping their own
health
 in good
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
show examples
 is one of
effective
Add an article
the effective
show examples
 methods to build a healthy community.
For example
, during the covid-19 pandemic, every member of Vietnam strictly followed the 5K rules
to
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apply
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not only protect themselves but
also
 the society in safety, which acts as a tremendous precursor to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
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 the dire situations and
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
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 the number of
life
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lives
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 lost.
Hence
, people should look after their
health
 as a duty
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
While
 the essence of looking after individuals’ well-being with the public is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the personal benefits are not mentioned. It is obvious to note that taking mental and physical
health
 into consideration helps people to be wellness to live. To
be clarify
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clarify
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,
medical
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medicine
show examples
 is now one of the most important aspects that more and more people invest in that a myriad of clinics, gyms or even
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 centres are opened to develop people’s
health
.
Therefore
, caring about
health
 brings a positive impact on the
personal
Replace the word
person
show examples
.
To sum up
, looking after
health
 in both mental and physical
health
 plays a paramount significance in not only the community but
also
 individuals.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • duty
  • well-being
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • productive
  • economy
  • example
  • empower
  • informed choices
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