IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and has enabled them to both work and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages for a family when the mother works? Do you think advantage outweigh diadvantages?

In recent years, advances in household technology have given
mothers
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 more free time, helping them balance work and childcare responsibilities.
This
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 essay will discuss the
advantages
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 of having working
mothers
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 in a family and argue that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, working
mothers
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 bring several
advantages
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 to their families. The most important benefit is financial stability. When the mother works, the family typically enjoys a better standard of living. Additional income can be used to provide high-quality education and training programs for
children
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.
For example
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, in the UK, families with dual incomes are more likely to afford top-ranking schools for their
children
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 of working
mothers
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 often participate in extracurricular activities
such
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 as sports or arts clubs, which are important for developing critical thinking, creativity, and social skills.
In addition
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, working
mothers
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 are usually more capable of providing regular healthcare for their
children
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, particularly in dental care, which helps protect them from issues like tooth decay.
On the other hand
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, some argue that being a full-time housewife is better for the
children
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, especially in their early years. They believe that young
children
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 need constant love and emotional support, which can only be provided when the mother is always present.
Additionally
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, if the father's income is high enough to cover all expenses, there may be less need for the mother to work. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some valid concerns about
mothers
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 working outside the home, the financial and developmental
advantages
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 for the
children
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 and the family as a whole are significant.
Therefore
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, I believe the
advantages
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 outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Try to add more detailed examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph connects well to the previous one. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
You present strong arguments for the benefits of working mothers, which adds depth to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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