IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent. The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent. The graph below show the number of hours spent on social media per day from 2010 to 2016 as well as the reasons why they used them. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
#show #hours #media #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevent
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The bar graph compares and contrasts the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 using multiple social networking
sites
Use synonyms
 per day , which is measured in percentage over a 2-year
time
Use synonyms
 period from 2014 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, most individuals
spended
Correct your spelling
spend
theHighest
Correct your spelling
the highest
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on one site compared to other categories .
Whereas
Linking Words
, the least spending was on five
sites
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, 24 % of
people
Use synonyms
 utilised their data only for one site in 2014.
However
Linking Words
, after one year
this
Linking Words
 rating
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a fall of 8% in their popularity in 2013, which was 28%. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 who watched no site and two social media
sites
Use synonyms
 had
almost
Add an article
the almost
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
 consumption in both years and it was 22%(2014) and 21%(2015) for no
sites
Use synonyms
 and 23% and 24% for two
sites
Use synonyms
 respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
 , the
time
Use synonyms
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 for three
sites
Use synonyms
 and above only account
16
Change preposition
for 16
show examples
%
viewship
Correct your spelling
viewership
views
 in total
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 period .
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who utilised
time
Use synonyms
 for five
sites
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 comparatively lower during 2014 and 2015, with 2% and 4% respectively.
Submitted by varshajose345 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sites, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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