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Band 5.5

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job.

#schools #time #subjects #history #people #skills #students #job
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There is an argument that history matter is taught most part of the time in educational institutions. Some individuals believe that would be more effective for pupils to learn professional abilities
instead
, in order to help them in their professional carrier. I partially agree with
such
 a point of view because, even though learning about important work skills at school can help the person to deal with possible job challenges, studying history
also
 is crucial, since it improves the population's knowledge about past experiences and
also
 it helps to change people’s behaviour in the contemporary society. When it comes to professional life,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
brings several challenging situations which put employees in stressful and exhausting routines.
For instance
, if schools set up education on how to manage daily issues about employment, the person would probably be more prepared to deal whit the problems that are involved in it.
As a result
, the person will be more susceptible to achieving professional and personal fulfilment.
Nonetheless
, school subject
such
 as history is efficient tools to teach people things that happened in the previous years, allowing them to learn and, on top of that, be aware of how the past is important to construct our society.
For example
, if people have contact with materials about the slavery period, they probably will be more aware of how it affected lives and what measures can be done in order to deny
this
 behaviour. Respectively, they will have the chance to think deeply about their own decisions, which will affect directly
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
To sum up
, as I mentioned before I partially
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 whit
this
 statement since I believe both
piece
Change to a plural noun
pieces
show examples
 of knowledge
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important.
Submitted by Nayara on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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