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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#books #read #men #women #burnaby #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons #write
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This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts How many
books
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were read by both genders at Burnaby Public Library during four years from 2011 to 2014. It is clear from the graph that the rate of reading
books
Use synonyms
 had increased during the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, men read nearly 3000
books
Use synonyms
 in 2011, which was much lower than women’s. The next year the rate rises gradually. But
then
Linking Words
, the number of
books
Use synonyms
 read by men
boom
Wrong verb form
has boomed
show examples
 dramatically during the
last
Linking Words
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
. Accounting
Change preposition
for
show examples
an incensement of six thousand
books
Use synonyms
 per year
till
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it reached 16000
books
Use synonyms
 in 2014.
However
Linking Words
, women read two thousand
books
Use synonyms
 more than men in 2011.
Then
Linking Words
, for 2012 and 2013, the figure grew smoothly till the number was the same as for men’s. Surprisingly, the rate
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to 8000 in 2014 before it had reached 10000 the year before.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that
generally
Add a comma
generally,
show examples
 males read more
books
Use synonyms
 than females during the period of four years.r
Submitted by sona01737 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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