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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor Do you think this is positive or negative development

#people #health #alternative #medicine #treatments #doctor #development
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It is believed that a number of
people
Use synonyms
 with health problems are trying
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
alternative medications and therapies rather than
visting
Correct your spelling
visiting
usual
Correct article usage
the usual
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
. In
may
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is negative development as there are several reasons. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 usually go to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
. Before
people
Use synonyms
 do not know
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
 system for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 went to the doctor back in the day.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are treating themselves
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. In my opinion, They are stumbling in
this
Linking Words
 way. Definitely, they should go to the
doctors
Use synonyms
 when they will be
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
doctors
Use synonyms
 can treat every
diseases
Change to a singular noun
disease
show examples
. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, Britain's woman
headache
Add a missing verb
have headache
show examples
 and drink
embarrassment
Replace the word
embarrassing
show examples
 drugs.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 woman died. Actually, she had a tumour in
brain
Correct pronoun usage
her brain
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
Add an article
an illness
show examples
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
, they should go to the hospital.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, When humans are
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 and they don't go to the hospital, they may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
die.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will die or
disable
Add a missing verb
be disable
show examples
. So,
people
Use synonyms
 ought to
be go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
doctors
Use synonyms
. And if
people
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 go to
doctors
Use synonyms
,
Doctors
Use synonyms
 may
Add a missing verb
be unemployers
show examples
unemployers
Correct your spelling
unemployed
.
This
Linking Words
 point is very terrible.
This
Linking Words
 is because
doctors
Use synonyms
 have their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
children
Correct word choice
and children
show examples
. They should raise
family
Correct pronoun usage
their family
show examples
. If they do not raise,
as a result
Linking Words
, children and
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
show examples
 or
husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
show examples
 might die from starvation and aridity. So
people
Use synonyms
 should visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 when they will be sick. In conclusion, a number of
people
Use synonyms
 are trying medicine and treatments
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 health problems
instead
Linking Words
 of going to their usual
doctors
Use synonyms
. I believe
this
Linking Words
 activity
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very useful for
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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