IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#world #societies #mixture #people
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Societies with the
varities
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varieties
 of
culture
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cultures
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 exist in every part of the globe now and that includes various ethnic individuals as well.
This
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 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of having ethnic
people
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 in the multicultural
socities
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societies
.
To begin
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 with, ethnic
people
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 certainly support the resolution of religious
disputes
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 between
people
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 in a multicultural
society
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.
In other words
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,
disputes
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 are common where
people
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 of different
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religion
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religions
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 reside together and no
religion
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 is supported by
ethnics
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 since they do not acknowledge any god or
religion
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. In
such
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 instances, their intervention assists in handling the situation.
Furthermore
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, the existence of ethnic individuals somehow leaves an optimistic impact on multicultural societies.
This
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 is because they believe in practicality and deeds. Superstition is highly criticized by them which certainly contradicts many religious individuals.
Hence
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,
such
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belief
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a belief
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 against criticism helps
society
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.
For instance
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, in case of a severe crime against humanity,
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ethnics
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ethnic
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people
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 prefer a stringent penalty against the criminal
whereas
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 devotional ones would follow the saying of their gods and prefer forgiving the criminal or
to give
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giving
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 them a chance to improve.
On the other hand
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,
sometime
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sometimes
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ethnics
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 become a threat to multicultural
society
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.
This
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 is because they do not follow any
religion
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 and their words often hurt the common individual. Gradually, hurting turns into anger and leads to riots, social
disputes
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 and so on.
For instance
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, a statement against the roman catholic beliefs given by the ethnic community led to intense
disputes
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 and resulted in many casualties. In conclusion, having
ethnics
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 in a multicultural
society
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 can certainly make or destroy the
society
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 because of their disbelieve towards god.
Submitted by ankit.heart25 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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