IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that people are responsible for their happiness. Others feel that happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both sides and give you opinion?

#people #happiness #factors #life
While
 some
people
 think that achieving
happiness
 is in the hands of
people
, others argue that there are common needs to achieve it. I agree with the latter view. On the one hand, I agree that being in charge of our own
happiness
 is necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 our daily
life
.
For example
, we always need a sense of
happiness
 for our work, education and
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 well-being. Most
people
 think it priority to be happy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 allows them to be satisfied with themselves and to have a reasonable quality of
life
. If
people
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
happiness
 from other factors,
such
 as having more money and being famous, they might find it difficult to satisfy their own psychological
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. Nowadays, teenagers,
for instance
, are known for choosing their job
according to
 how much money they could earn, but that does not always provide them with enough
happiness
 to live satisfactorily.
Nevertheless
, I believe that other considerations play
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 important role than one's sense of
happiness
.
Firstly
, having a safe place to live and enough food
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 extremely important. Having a pleasant
life
 is surely related to meeting our basic needs.
Secondly
, many
people
's feeling of
happiness
 comes from
relationship
Correct pronoun usage
their relationship
show examples
 with their friends and family.
Therefore
, being alone does not bring
happiness
.
Another factors
Replace the adjective
Another factor
Other factors
show examples
 could be financial health and social background. In conclusion, self-
happiness
 certainly affects
people
's quality of
life
, but I believe that other factors are
also
 crucial.
Submitted by gulihabibullayeva6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: