Some people believe that animal should be allowed to be eaten and experimented on while other think they have equal right as human being, discuss both views and your opinion.

Many
people
have been supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
the idea that
animals
should be eaten by
people
and experimented on by industries, but others advocate that
animals
must have some rights just like humans.
However
,
this
topic is a little bit uncomfortable to talk about for many reasons,
such
as
people
`s religion, culture and beliefs. To support both thoughts I`m going to bring up some good pieces of information in
this
essay. To be honest, I`m not an expert on
this
topic,
however
, part of society defends
animals
such
as mice, and rabbits, and so should have experimented on at least to discover new medicines. To support it, the New York Times brings up some information about the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
vaccine and tests in
animals
were extremely important for good results. In my vision, animal is the only way to
become
Verb problem
keep
show examples
society safe from viruses and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
diseases.
On the other hand
, we have been living in an interconnected world where
people
are in touch with different cultures through the internet.
For example
, Brazil`s folk know exactly what
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
in Asia. Indeed,
this
looks crazy to
Brazilian
Replace the word
Brazilians
show examples
, but many countries in the Asia continent prohibit
people
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
some
animals
like caw, actually. Honestly, my opinion is that we have been living in a democracy and each one has the right
for thinking
Change preposition
to think
show examples
and believe in a different way,
otherwise
, it can not determine the future of humanity. In conclusion, I believe that each one can have their own choice about eating or not the
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
, but unfortunately, they can`t determine if is correct or not to use
animals
in their experiences to find new solutions for society.
Submitted by murilo.siqueira2012 on

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task response
The essay lacks a clear and comprehensive analysis of the topic, and fails to provide relevant specific examples to support the arguments. There is a need to address the topic more directly and in a detailed manner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay's introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay is weak. The essay lacks a coherent flow of ideas and does not effectively link the supporting points with the main argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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