A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent times, a number of
people
believe that animals
must be treated just like humans, while
some others disagree and feel that animals
can be used to serve numerous human needs. This
essay agrees that animals
can be used to satisfy our needs, discusses both the
views and comes to a Correct article usage
apply
resonable
conclusion.
It is permissible to use species from the animal kingdom for the Correct your spelling
reasonable
nessacity
of the mankind. Even though it seems cruel, it has to be admitted that men tend to depend on other creatures to make living better and Correct your spelling
mendacity
such
a practice has been followed though
generations as mankind is not very different from Correct your spelling
through
animals
. Cattles
are used for their meat, Correct your spelling
Cattle
as
a source of food and several researches Correct word choice
and as
are
conducted on them to benefit Verb problem
have been
people
. For instance
, drugs are tested on animals
and they are further
monitored for adverse effects before distributed
among patients Add a missing verb
being distributed
and
Correct word choice
apply
thus
any substance that proves harmful can be avoided among the diseased.
However
, many animals
are taken advantage of and are
tortured by Unnecessary verb
apply
people
. It is a common practice now-a-days
to bring up Correct the word
nowadays
cattles
in an inadequate space with excessive food as it creates less space for the creature to move around, making it bulky. Correct your spelling
cattle
castles
This
trend may provide more meat but is cruel and unfair and should thus
be discouraged. For example
, according to
The Times Of India, millions of goats are over fed
by the farmers as it makes more money in the market but the goats suffer from various diseases and die early.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
over-fed
while
some people
think that animals
are used mercilessly, others believe that they are meant to satisfy needs
of mankind. Correct article usage
the needs
Animals
should be cared for and in the process
Add a comma
process,
people
can be benefited from the number of things they offer but they should not be treated as inferiors and be exploited selfishly.Submitted by insighttribez on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. While your essay has a discernible structure, the progression of ideas could be enhanced further by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a clear singular topic that directly responds to the prompt. This can aid in improving the flow and overall cohesion of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your viewpoint and summarise the key points of the essay. You've done well in including both, but make certain that each offers a clear reflection of the essay's content and your stance.
coherence cohesion
Back up each main point with relevant examples and evidence. You've provided some examples, but they need to be more specific and directly linked to the topic sentences. Additionally, aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more explicitly.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing both viewpoints and giving your opinion. While your essay addresses both sides of the argument, ensure that your own opinion is clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay. Provide a balanced discussion but with a clear conclusion that aligns with your opinion.
task achievement
Develop clear, comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the task. Your ideas are relevant, but the development of each point could be deeper. Elaborate on your reasoning and the implications of each argument to enhance comprehensiveness.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples given are on the right track but can be improved in terms of relevancy and specificity. Ensure they directly support your arguments and enhance clarity.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?