IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some childeren spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a posetive or a negative development?

#childeren #hours #smartphones #case #posetive #development
In
this
 modern era,
children
 spend several hours on their mobile
phones
. I think
this
 trend has many positive effects on
children
's health intend a negative impact.
However
,
this
 essay will
further
 elaborate on both advantages and disadvantages of
this
technology
as well as
 lead to a logical Conclusion. Without any qualms,Nowadays mobile
phones
 are an essential part of human life because it is a very comfortable and convenient invention of
technology
. To elaborate,
children
 use smartphones for their study purposes whenever they need any information related to studies
as well as
 it is a source of entertainment as well. Plenty of video games are available on
phones
 which helps
children
 to reduce stress.
For instance
,Websites
such
 as WhatsApp or Facebook help keep in touch with friends and family members
moreover
,
children
 like to capture their enjoyable moments with friends with the help of a mobile camera.
Hence
, mobile
phones
 are very useful for
children
 in many ways. In another school of thought, There are some drawbacks to
this
technology
.
Firstly
,
Children
 like to spend time on it rather than interact with humans personally which affects their relationships with nears and dear.To quote an example,
children
 suffer from eyesight and headache problems at a very young age because they watch mobile screens regularly
in addition
, they give less intention on studies and sometimes fail exams.
As a result
,
this
technology
 has some negative impacts on
children
's health. In conclusion,
although
,
According to
 the argument aforementioned above Smartphones are beneficial for
children
 in academics or entertainment purposes but we cannot ignore their downsides which are harmful to
children
.
Submitted by prabhjotsingh2170 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: