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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the process of water treatment.

The diagram shows the process of water treatment.
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The given diagram illustrates the stages involved in
water
Use synonyms
 purification.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are ten main steps in the treatment of
water
Use synonyms
, which begins with
water
Use synonyms
 being collected by an ake screen and ends with the faucet.
To begin
Linking Words
, unclean
water
Use synonyms
 is collected from the ocean with an intake screen.
Then
Linking Words
 ocean
water
Use synonyms
 is been carried by the pump to a flash mix. In the mix,
polyaluminum
Correct your spelling
poly aluminum
 chloride and oxidants are mixed with
water
Use synonyms
.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 next process involves the
water
Use synonyms
 being carried by the pump to the flocculation chamber where particles are removed from the
water
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Subsequently
Add a comma
,Subsequently
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is pumped to the settling basin
where're
Unnecessary verb
where
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is allowed to settle down for a
while
Linking Words
 leaving tiny particles in the base of the basin. In the next stage
Add a comma
,
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is pumped
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the chlorine chamber and chlorine
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
added to the clean
water
Use synonyms
. ,
Afterwards
Add a comma
,Afterwards
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is pumped to the filter membrane which contains smaller stones to help remove any remaining tiny particles from the
water
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 pumped
water
Use synonyms
 gets to the disinfection chamber and chlorine, lime( sodium hydroxide) and fluoride are mixed with filtered
water
Use synonyms
 to kill any microorganisms. ,
Finally
Linking Words
 clean and safe
water
Use synonyms
 is pumped to the faucet to deliver
water
Use synonyms
 to various places.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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