It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, some believe that taking

risks

is worth becoming a great man and there are several benefits.

However

, others argue that taking dangers in business and private lives is considered more thoughtfully. I will discuss both views and recognize my view in the conclusion. Some entrepreneurs think that we should willingly take dangers to achieve what we want and

there

Correct word choice

that there

show examples

is worth definitely.

This

is because the more we can challenge a new something like business and study, the more we could acquire brilliant value

such

as the amount of money and marvellous experiences.

For example

, the majority of entrepreneurs have experienced extreme failures like having 10 million in debt

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and losing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

huge funding from investors. But, eventually, they could overcome those acute difficulties by taking

risks

and making their own story.

As a result

, if we could beat our vital

risks

, we can hold crucial opportunities that we never experiences.

On the other hand

, others are certain that it is fact that taking

risks

is close to gambling and

this

leads us to hazards including their family and friends. If someone borrows business funding from banks and others, it could change to enormous debt when they could not succeed.

Moreover

, their family could not take an adequate cure from the medical centre

due to

the lack of treatment

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

As a result

, when they try to take

risks

to do something, they should consider that there are a lot of drawbacks. In conclusion, I suppose that there are benefits and disadvantages in terms of taking

risks

. We could try something to get precious value despite taking

risks

because when we challenge ourselves, we can get something as I mentioned.

Submitted by daye9114 on Mon Apr 03 2023

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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