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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show UK students' responses to the question of to what extent would they describe themselves as financially organized. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Very organised % All students 21 Age up to 22 years 18 Age 23-25 years 26 Age over 26 years 35

The diagrams below show UK students' responses to the question of to what extent would they describe themselves as financially organized. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Very organised % All students 21 Age up to 22 years 18 Age 23-25 years 26 Age over 26 years 35
#diagrams #show #uk #students #responses #information #features #comparisons #age #years
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The following pie chart presents the
percentage
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 of the
Use synonyms
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 level of financial management capacity.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the table below describes the
percentage
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 of the
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students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
 on their finance management capability based on age.
According
Add the preposition
toAccording
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 the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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graphic, 21% of
students
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 are categorised as very organised. Based on the data of the table, amongst them,
students
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 who
becomes
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become
show examples
 older, tend to have a higher probability to be very organized with the average number of
increasement
Correct your spelling
increment
was
Wrong verb form
being
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 8 to 9 %.
While
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
students
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 who had
moderate
Add an article
the moderate
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 (not as good or bad) ability to manage their money is slightly different
with
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from
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 the best student, which is 1%
in
Change preposition
apply
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different.
In addition
Linking Words
, the least
students
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, about 4% of
students
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has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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 in managing their money. All in all, it can be concluded from the graph that the majority of
students
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 had
fair
Correct article usage
a fair
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 ability to organise their money with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
percentage
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 of 35%.
Submitted by rams212 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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