Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that providing parks and sports facilities is important to build in public spaces,
while
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others think that shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
are suitable to provide more than that. In my opinion, I agree to provide an activity space, which helps gain health and socialize in
this
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new town.
This
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essay will describe the reason why I agree with
this
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statement.
To begin
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with, creating green space and activity building produces huge benefits for both individuals and communities. For children, they have a safety zone to play with their friends or develop skills,
such
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as speaking or walking. For adults and elders, they get a place to exercise without any price to pay, like a fitness centre, and they can visit to relax and enjoy nature.
Additionally
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, these would be impacted by both physical and mental health through exercise and socializing for all ages.
On the other hand
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, department stores help enhance the city more into modernization. These create attraction for tourists who come over for the luxurious place.
Moreover
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, these are the
center
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centre
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point
of
Change preposition
for
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people to have either entertainment or dining together in one location.
Nevertheless
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, these cause to reduce
a green areas
Correct the article-noun agreement
green areas
a green area
show examples
in the town, which has a negative effect on the
overall
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environment. In conclusion, parks and sports facilities have a positive effect on both physical and mental health.
Although
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shopping malls develop the city, they will create an environmental impact on the town.
Hence
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, parks and sports facilities should be the best option to invest in.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and support it throughout the essay with stronger ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer connections between sentences and ideas to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the importance of parks and sports facilities.
task achievement
You included examples of benefits for different age groups, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • parks
  • sports
  • facilities
  • shopping
  • centers
  • free time
  • important
  • provide
  • community
  • health
  • lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • mental well-being
  • nature
  • relax
  • events
  • belonging
  • teamwork
  • interaction
  • consumer
  • lifestyle
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