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Band 4.5

Some people believe that animal should be allowed to be eaten and experimented on while other think they have equal right as human being, discuss both views and your opinion.

#people #right
It is often argued by some that ought to permit the slighter of
animals
as well as
 for the experiment, it is not a problem. Others argue that
animals
 have the same rights as mankind, they similar living things.
While
 critters should
treat
Wrong verb form
be treated
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 nicely and
give
Wrong verb form
given
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 their rights. I believe that beasts are the best nutrition for humans to take as a meal and should
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for testament. On the one hand, creatures should not be exploited by human creatures. they have the same feeling as homo sapiens. For that reason, it is not fair to them to treat them in another way.
As people
Correct word choice
People
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 treat their cows,
horse
Fix the agreement mistake
horses
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 and
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
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 for cultivating fields but don’t feed them properly.
For instance
,
a
Change preposition
according to a
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report by the World Life Department, many Farmers do heavy work with their brute and do not provide healthy nutrition which is required for their health.
However
, I believe that these days technology brought a lot of cultivating machines through which cultivators do their work easily
instead
 of being beasties.
On the other hand
, brute creations should be legalized to eat and practice for experimental purposes because it is normal for human creatures. As everything is used for some reason,
therefore
animals
 can be used as food or experimental ideas. Take an example of a medicine company that before applying any drug to society, it is essential to test on beastie because of which many humans are alive.
However
, I believe without the slaughter of chickens and cows, there will be a shortage in the nutrition of humanity.
Due to
 nutritional deficiency, there is nothing bad about butchery
animals
. In conclusion,
animals
 should be allowed to eat a meal and use it for experiments. But mankind should be cautious about their health as well because
animals
 are essential for human life as food or as a testament.
Submitted by hkhan8597 on

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task response
The essay does not adequately address the task prompt. It fails to present a balanced discussion of the topic and does not clearly present a personal opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The ideas are poorly organized and the essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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