IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that technological development can reduce crime, while others think that it would encourage crime.Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #development #crime
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There are controversial perspective heating
debate
Correct article usage
the debate
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 over how
technology
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 affects crimes.
While
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 some claim that technological advancements help reduce the number of criminal activities, the opposite makes the statement that it actually increases the
crime
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 rate.
While
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 the latter is valid to some extent,I would consider myself an advocate of the former. Without a shadow of a doubt,developments in
technology
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 have paved the way for an emerging kind of
crime
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:
cyber-
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cybercrime
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crime
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.Nowadays,with the popularity of the internet cyber crimes can easily hack into your phone or your computer to steal user information.In some
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cases
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case
Add a comma
,case
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 the information would be sold to a third party
who
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apply
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are advertising
companies
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company
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 in order to run ads,but in the worst
case
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,case
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 hackers can hack into bank accounts and steal money from
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the user
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user
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users
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.
For example
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, a number of frauds in Vietnam happened to middle-aged women, who were swindled out of millions by imposters acting as their children or relatives online.
Hence
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,The development of the internet has created risks for people.
On the other hand
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,modern
technology
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 has significantly reduced the
crime
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 rate in many ways.The cameras are
one
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apply
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of
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apply
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those installed in public areas
such
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 as malls, streets and office buildings to help minimize
crime
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.The growth of DNA
technology
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 and many other identification devices
make
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makes
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 it easier to catch criminals.
Thus
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,High
technology
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 helps a lot in catching offenders. In conclusion, I believe technological progress could contribute to the reduction of crimes. Yet, people should be educated to apply their technical skills in a productive way.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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