The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment and medicine. Therefore, governments should spend more money on educating people about healthy lifestyles instead of curing illnesses. How far do you agree with this statement?

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In recent years, there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have

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been growing concerns about
health
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issues with some arguing that states should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of illness,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others believe that treating diseases is the only way to stay healthy. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
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,essay

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i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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will explore my own point of view
of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

controversial issue. First and foremost,
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the most valuable aspect
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people's life. It is essential to avoid
health
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems

It seems that problem may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning

If you don’t want begining to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there is no denying that government should allocate more financial resources to promote
healthy
Add an article
a healthy

The noun phrase healthy lifestyle seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lifestyle.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

instance
Add a comma
,instance

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For instance. Consider adding a comma.

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it is essential to encourage children for doing exercise. They boost
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health

The noun phrase health seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents

It seems that adolescent may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and children and help them to be in good shape. Schools should incorporate in their curriculum, more subjects with physical activity
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as football and basketball.
Linking Words
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Furthermore. Consider adding a comma.

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it is important to educate people about healthy diets and distribute more information about
detrimental
Add an article
the detrimental

The noun phrase detrimental effect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects

It seems that effect may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of junk food
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as fast food and
high sugar
Add a hyphen
high-sugar

It seems that high sugar is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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drinks.
On the other
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hand
Add a comma
,hand

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase On the other hand. Consider adding a comma.

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there
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural form of be are does not seem to agree with the singular subject some sickness. Consider changing the verb form.

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some
sickness
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses

It seems that sickness may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which
require
Change the verb form
requires

The plural verb require does not appear to agree with the singular subject some sickness. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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only treatment like
phisician
Correct your spelling
physical
physician

If you don’t want phisician to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

trauma,
bone
Correct word choice
and bone

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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fractures. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case
Add a comma
,case

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this case. Consider adding a comma.

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curing is
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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solely
Change the word
sole

Solely seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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way to save a life. Undoubtedly, in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation

It seems that situations may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is crucial that
national
Correct article usage
the national

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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healthcare system is equipped well to help the population. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

prevention of illness is significantly important in today's world because it provides people to live happy and
fulfilment
Replace the word
fulfilling

The word fulfilment doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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life and
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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firmly opine with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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should keep in mind about
existance
Correct your spelling
existence

If you don’t want existance to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of various
illnes
Correct your spelling
illness

If you don’t want illnes to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

which can't
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented

It appears that the form of the verb prevent does not work with be in this sentence.

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.

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