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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The prevention of health problems is more important than treatment and medicine. Therefore, governments should spend more money on educating people about healthy lifestyles instead of curing illnesses. How far do you agree with this statement?

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In recent years, there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been growing concerns about
health
Use synonyms
 issues with some arguing that states should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of illness,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that treating diseases is the only way to stay healthy. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explore my own point of view
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 controversial issue. First and foremost,
health
Use synonyms
 is the most valuable aspect
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 people's life. It is essential to avoid
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
,
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 there is no denying that government should allocate more financial resources to promote
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 it is essential to encourage children for doing exercise. They boost
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 and children and help them to be in good shape. Schools should incorporate in their curriculum, more subjects with physical activity
such
Linking Words
 as football and basketball.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 it is important to educate people about healthy diets and distribute more information about
detrimental
Add an article
the detrimental
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of junk food
such
Linking Words
 as fast food and
high sugar
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
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 drinks.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
sickness
Fix the agreement mistake
sicknesses
show examples
 which
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 only treatment like
phisician
Correct your spelling
physical
physician
 trauma,
bone
Correct word choice
and bone
show examples
 fractures. In
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 curing is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
solely
Change the word
sole
show examples
 way to save a life. Undoubtedly, in
this
Linking Words
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 is crucial that
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 healthcare system is equipped well to help the population. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 prevention of illness is significantly important in today's world because it provides people to live happy and
fulfilment
Replace the word
fulfilling
show examples
 life and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly opine with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
However
Linking Words
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should keep in mind about
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of various
illnes
Correct your spelling
illness
 which can't
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
.

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