IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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People
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern civilization have longer life expectancies than in the past
due to
 significantly improved health. The cost of providing for senior adults may increase for
governments
. I believe that we can address
this
 issue through
pension
 and senior assistance programs.
Governments
 should first assume responsibility for enhancing
pension
 schemes and making them more accessible and affordable. I believe that some
people
 did not have a savings strategy when they were young. That might be because
people
 are ignorant about
pension
 schemes, which can lead to an elderly existence
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poverty. To assist citizens in creating better
pension
 plans for their futures,
governments
 might set up a separate organization that can offer insurance or pensions.
On the other hand
, some elderly
people
 may have insurance or pensions, but these may be below expectations and unable to meet their basic requirements. In
this
 case,
governments
 can provide funding for nursing facilities and lower their costs, easing the burden of life and the expense of living
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the elderly. Authorities can
also
 establish employment strategies to create job openings and aid retired citizens in starting new jobs.
For instance
, Japan has a sizable elderly population and some of them may work after they retire in order to pay their costs.
That is
 not a terrible answer to the retirement problem, even though it will be more difficult for the elderly. In conclusion, I would agree that an international problem
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 by an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 society. We still have a chance to assist older adults even if it is difficult to combat if we plan beforehand.
Submitted by 435759633 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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