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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
#people #music #cultures #ages
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There is no doubt that
,
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apply
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these days most
people
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 listen to different types of
music
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. The question is, does
music
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 unite
people
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 from different cultures and various
ages
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? In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss the
important
Replace the word
importance
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of
music
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 in our life. In order to the advantages,
music
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 unites
people
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from
Change preposition
of
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 various segments of
ages
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 and with different backgrounds. The main proof given to support
this
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 claim is that, the huge
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of fans, which attend ceremonies or a concert, even for a singer, who is from a different country. To illustrate, many
people
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 in
Arabic
Correct article usage
the Arabic
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 region, youth and old, love Michael Jackson and attended his musical concert in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
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 concert had a significant attendance for Michal Jackson fans from whole over the world.
Music
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 or a good musician could be a reason to unite
people
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 from different counties
with
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of
show examples
different
ages
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.
However
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, some other
people
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 think that
,
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apply
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music
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 is just a way of entertainment.
Firstly
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,
music
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 will not end a war or solve
confliction
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conflict
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between different nations.
In other words
Linking Words
,
music
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 is
Change the article
a
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good way of passing
fun
Correct article usage
a fun
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 time, but not to unite
people
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.
Also
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, different
ages
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 of
people
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 have different
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
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of
Change preposition
in
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music
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, which makes it
to
Replace the word
too
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hard to like or hear the same genus of
music
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 or songs.
This
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Add a missing verb
is
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because
Add the preposition
of
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the huge gap and variation of mentalities . In conclusion,
although
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
music
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 can lead
for
Change preposition
to
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 bringing
people
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all together
Replace the word
altogether
show examples
, others disagree with that.
Therefore
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 I believe that
music
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 could be a way of uniting different types of
people
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.
Submitted by mmahmoud_hanafym on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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