IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with increase in number of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #health #care #society #people
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In
this
 contemporary epoch,with the advancement of technology medical services
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been notably improved.
Thus
,
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
 sector has been providing
health
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
 and
care
 to senior citizens of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.In my opinion,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 can provide services to the elders with help of civilians
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.In
this
 essay,I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 view.
To begin
 with, by the
time
 migration has become vital from
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 and
subrub
Correct your spelling
suburban
 areas to urban areas.
According to
 recent research,
prime
Add an article
the prime
show examples
 reason behind relocation is good quality medical service and higher work
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Additionally
 ,in
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
show examples
,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Ahemdabad
Correct your spelling
Ahmedabad
,
banglore
Correct your spelling
Bangalore
 and Mumbai, Medical colleges
has
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have
show examples
 started allocating job for bachelor students,who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 just completed their MBBS degree.
Therefore
,elder
people
 prefer that medical
check
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checks
show examples
regularly
Add a missing verb
are regularly
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 done by young doctors.To cite an example,in India during covid
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
,when the whole world was in turmoil,at that
time
 everyone had to stay indoors to be safe from
contagious
Correct article usage
the contagious
show examples
 virus covid -19.
Hence
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has
ampled
Correct your spelling
ample
sampled
 seats vacant for doctors ,who have to take
care
 of
people
 above
age
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the age
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 of 50 years.
This
 is not only beneficial for
people
 who can not afford
fees
Correct article usage
the fees
show examples
 of doctors,but
also
 by receiving quality services on
time
 they can live fruitfully.
Apart from
this
,it has been said that what we do comes around us in anyways.Henceforth,
Upper class
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Upper-class
show examples
people
 tend to give
Add an article
a donation
show examples
donation
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donations
show examples
at
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of at
show examples
 least 10% of their income to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity and old age homes.Where
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
show examples
 population can be treated effectively.
For instance
,in Canada,Michel Jones one of the famous
celebrity
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celebrities
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 of Hollywood has opened
numbers
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number
show examples
 of nursing homes,in which registered nurses work
voluntaryly
Correct your spelling
voluntarily
 to assist retired
people
 to take medicines on
time
 .
Moreover
,there are some
volunteers
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volunteer
show examples
 works,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
recreation therapist, speech therapist and physiotherapist,which helps them
according to
 their needs for betterment.And
that
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 their retirement age more enjoyable,
Subsequently
,
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
show examples
 for taking
care
 of
elder
Add an article
an elder
the elder
show examples
 population of
society
 by
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 sector will
also
 be beneficial.
To conclude
,it is
undeniable
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the undeniable
an undeniable
show examples
 conviction that
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 section of senior citizens has being treated by medical
care
 units.
Furthermore
,with the support of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of
society
,a paradigm shift can be seen in
Add an article
the health
show examples
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
 sector,which will be
win win
Add a hyphen
win-win
show examples
 situation for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 across the globe.
Submitted by zarnap302 on

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