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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With improvements in today's health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with increase in number of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #health #care #society #people
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In
this
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 contemporary epoch,with the advancement of technology medical services
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been notably improved.
Thus
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,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the health
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 sector has been providing
health
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checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
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 and
care
Use synonyms
 to senior citizens of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.In my opinion,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 can provide services to the elders with help of civilians
of
Change preposition
in
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country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.In
this
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 essay,I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 view.
To begin
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 with, by the
time
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 migration has become vital from
rular
Correct your spelling
rural
 and
subrub
Correct your spelling
suburban
 areas to urban areas.
According to
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 recent research,
prime
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the prime
show examples
 reason behind relocation is good quality medical service and higher work
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Additionally
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 ,in
mega cities
Correct your spelling
megacities
show examples
,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
Ahemdabad
Correct your spelling
Ahmedabad
,
banglore
Correct your spelling
Bangalore
 and Mumbai, Medical colleges
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 started allocating job for bachelor students,who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 just completed their MBBS degree.
Therefore
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,elder
people
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 prefer that medical
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
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regularly
Add a missing verb
are regularly
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 done by young doctors.To cite an example,in India during covid
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
,when the whole world was in turmoil,at that
time
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 everyone had to stay indoors to be safe from
contagious
Correct article usage
the contagious
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 virus covid -19.
Hence
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 ,
government
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the government
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 has
ampled
Correct your spelling
ample
sampled
 seats vacant for doctors ,who have to take
care
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 above
age
Add an article
the age
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 of 50 years.
This
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 is not only beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
 who can not afford
fees
Correct article usage
the fees
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 of doctors,but
also
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 by receiving quality services on
time
Use synonyms
 they can live fruitfully.
Apart from
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this
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,it has been said that what we do comes around us in anyways.Henceforth,
Upper class
Add a hyphen
Upper-class
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people
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 tend to give
Add an article
a donation
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donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
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at
Change preposition
of at
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 least 10% of their income to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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charity and old age homes.Where
aged
Correct article usage
the aged
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 population can be treated effectively.
For instance
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,in Canada,Michel Jones one of the famous
celebrity
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celebrities
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 of Hollywood has opened
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of nursing homes,in which registered nurses work
voluntaryly
Correct your spelling
voluntarily
 to assist retired
people
Use synonyms
 to take medicines on
time
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 .
Moreover
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,there are some
volunteers
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteer
show examples
 works,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
recreation therapist, speech therapist and physiotherapist,which helps them
according to
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 their needs for betterment.And
that
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is make
Change the verb form
makes
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 their retirement age more enjoyable,
Subsequently
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,
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
show examples
 for taking
care
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 of
elder
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an elder
the elder
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 population of
society
Use synonyms
 by
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 sector will
also
Linking Words
 be beneficial.
To conclude
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,it is
undeniable
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the undeniable
an undeniable
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 conviction that
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
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 section of senior citizens has being treated by medical
care
Use synonyms
 units.
Furthermore
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,with the support of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of
society
Use synonyms
,a paradigm shift can be seen in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the health
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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care
Use synonyms
 sector,which will be
win win
Add a hyphen
win-win
show examples
 situation for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 across the globe.
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