Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Looking at the world
it is clear that
the younger generation is flooded with countless advertisements.
While
many people dislike
this
phenomenon, my view is that TV commercials can positively contribute to youngsters in many ways. In fact, certain advertisements can be informative for
children
as well. For students who do not have a clear career prospect, some interesting workshop
adverts
could
peak
Correct the spelling
pique
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their interest in programming, data analysis, and computer science. These useful
adverts
will enhance their job-hunting skills and create more labour supplies for the whole society.
Likewise
, some commercials tend to encourage
children
's imagination.
For instance
, many young kids nowadays play with
Legos
Replace the word
Lego
show examples
cars because they are attracted by the TV ads made by the company.
As a result
, a majority of these juveniles
have
Verb problem
apply
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later
become
Wrong verb form
became
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car engine experts and innovated tons of real cars based on their Lego blueprints. Those who harbour the view that
children
-aimed ads should be censored because they can adversely affect their babies may argue that
such
adverts
sometimes contain questionable
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
to gain attraction from young people. Indeed, it is not uncommon to see that many greedy enterprises have designed
children
-targeted
adverts
to compel teenagers to purchase goods and services that are beyond their purchasing power.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
the government should shoulder the responsibility and introduce more restrictive laws to prevent young minds from buying things that they do not need, which seems like a reasonable compromise. In conclusion, reliable marketing materials that are aimed at
children
not only lay a solid foundation for the kids but
also
boost their creativity.
Nevertheless
,
children
should refrain from watching poorly made advertisements. Only by doing so can we have a better shopping atmosphere for the next generation.
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task response
Task Response: Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task. You have presented both sides of the argument and given your own opinion effectively. However, ensure that your opinion is clear and explicitly stated in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and supported main points, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and effective in framing the essay. Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and that the conclusion summarizes key points and restates your position.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
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