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Nowadays a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think this can have negative effects on children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #people #effects
Looking at the world
it is clear that
 the younger generation is flooded with countless advertisements.
While
 many people dislike
this
 phenomenon, my view is that TV commercials can positively contribute to youngsters in many ways. In fact, certain advertisements can be informative for
children
 as well. For students who do not have a clear career prospect, some interesting workshop
adverts
 could
peak
Correct the spelling
pique
show examples
 their interest in programming, data analysis, and computer science. These useful
adverts
 will enhance their job-hunting skills and create more labour supplies for the whole society.
Likewise
, some commercials tend to encourage
children
's imagination.
For instance
, many young kids nowadays play with
Legos
Replace the word
Lego
show examples
 cars because they are attracted by the TV ads made by the company.
As a result
, a majority of these juveniles
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
later
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 car engine experts and innovated tons of real cars based on their Lego blueprints. Those who harbour the view that
children
-aimed ads should be censored because they can adversely affect their babies may argue that
such
adverts
 sometimes contain questionable
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to gain attraction from young people. Indeed, it is not uncommon to see that many greedy enterprises have designed
children
-targeted
adverts
 to compel teenagers to purchase goods and services that are beyond their purchasing power.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the government should shoulder the responsibility and introduce more restrictive laws to prevent young minds from buying things that they do not need, which seems like a reasonable compromise. In conclusion, reliable marketing materials that are aimed at
children
 not only lay a solid foundation for the kids but
also
 boost their creativity.
Nevertheless
,
children
 should refrain from watching poorly made advertisements. Only by doing so can we have a better shopping atmosphere for the next generation.
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task response
Task Response: Your essay provides a clear and complete response to the task. You have presented both sides of the argument and given your own opinion effectively. However, ensure that your opinion is clear and explicitly stated in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and supported main points, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and effective in framing the essay. Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and that the conclusion summarizes key points and restates your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Targeted advertising
  • Psychological development
  • Artificial needs
  • Unhealthy eating habits
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Parental responsibility
  • Critical thinking
  • Informative content
  • Economic implications
  • Revenue generation
  • Content creation
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