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Band 5

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say that they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both points of view and five your own opinion.

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society #points #five
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Digital
products
Use synonyms
 which are containing violence are very popular among
people
Use synonyms
. Some citizens believe that these materials negatively affect to community and should be banned. Other citizens,
however
Linking Words
, believe that they are
innocents
Fix the agreement mistake
innocent
show examples
 and help individuals to relax. From my point of view, they are just harmless and excellent
products
Use synonyms
 to relax
for
Change preposition
in for
show examples
 spare
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, films and computer
games
Use synonyms
 serve different ideas and lessons for consumers. One of the beneficial
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
 of digital materials is improving analytical thinking.
The consumers
Correct article usage
Consumers
show examples
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 their basic ideas
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a certain topic,
moreover
Linking Words
, these ideas have become more realistic and analytic which can be beneficial in their daily lives.
In addition
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, these
products
Use synonyms
 improve
problem-solving
Correct article usage
the problem-solving
show examples
 skills of children.
Due to
Linking Words
 improved multiple skills, these children can avoid
procastination
Correct your spelling
procrastination
 in their future careers.
This
Linking Words
 chain reaction reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 digital
products
Use synonyms
 are nourishing
cognitive
Correct article usage
the cognitive
show examples
 functions of individuals over time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, video
games
Use synonyms
 and streaming services are increasing
reflexes
Correct article usage
the reflexes
show examples
 of juveniles and young adults.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 one part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is considering video
games
Use synonyms
 as
violant
Correct your spelling
violent
.
This
Linking Words
 belief is coming from many video
games
Use synonyms
, especially
genre
Correct article usage
the genre
show examples
 of first-person
shooter
Fix the agreement mistake
shooters
show examples
,
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
containing shooting and
violance
Correct your spelling
violent
 elements.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they should be aware of the purpose
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 gaming. These activities only simulate
competitive
Correct article usage
the competitive
show examples
 habitats of players
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 realities.
For instance
Linking Words
, Half-life is a popular first-person shooter
game
Use synonyms
 which has
played
Add a missing verb
been played
show examples
over
Change preposition
by over
show examples
 10 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
game
Use synonyms
 represents
post-apocalyptic
Correct article usage
the post-apocalyptic
show examples
 future of the world and some successful university graduates were addicted
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
game
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe, none of these students tried to vanish
society
Change preposition
from society
show examples
 with
Correct article usage
a gravity-gun
show examples
gravity-gun
Correct your spelling
gravity gun
show examples
 which is a type of weapon in the
game
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, consuming digital items which are containing violence
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 really popular. Because of the negative effects on
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
, some
people
Use synonyms
suggesting
Wrong verb form
suggest
show examples
 that
products
Use synonyms
 should be banned. Other
people
Use synonyms
 think that they are just harmless innocent materials as I think.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • vulnerable groups
  • stress relief
  • media literacy
  • creative expression
  • censorship
  • rating systems
  • parental guidance
  • economic implications
  • mitigate
  • outlet for aggression
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