Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #consumer #societies #money #possessions #importance

According to

my opinion, fund and property are currently at a very high level compared to other things. To prevent

this

, many people are raising the value of knowledge and value in a different way so that it does not harm the growing teenagers. I believe that

this

is a very good result for us young public in the future. Many nations think that everything is based on cash and possessions, but they are very wrong.

For example

, you don't need a lot of pay to get an education. A person who wants to study can study without financial resources.

On the other hand

, a person needs wealth for living and for some things, but wage does not always play the main role. And it remains

this

a secondary auxiliary tool.

Therefore

, some directions have been introduced for the younger generation to use it correctly. Nowadays, it is very Many crowds are too greedy for wealth, and

this

harms not only themselves

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

this

society. That's why it's being covered in films and short videos to bring it to the world in a trio interpretation. If I conclude in

this

matter, comparing everything to salary is not a trio, because there are things that are more valuable than the value of the population

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Wed Apr 05 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

214 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

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