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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only, while others believe that media should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #entertainment #values
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While
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 some
people
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 believe that the
media
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such
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 as television,
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
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, etc should only be used for
entertainment
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, others think that
media
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 should bring the values of education to consumers. From my point of view, the
media
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 should be both entertaining and educational. On the one hand, It is often argued that
media
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 should
be
Verb problem
play
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 a prominent role
to serve
Change preposition
in serving
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entertainment
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 purposes. The primary reason is that nowadays,
people
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 who experience more stress in working and studying simply demand
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
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media
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 in order to entertain and release pressure.
Furthermore
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, the
media
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 is a part of the
entertainment
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 industry. The aims of
this
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 industry are used for entertain to earn a lot of money and create career opportunities in many countries.
For example
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, via social networking like Youtube, and Facebook, content creators use
media
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 to bring
entertainment
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.
Also
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, more and more
people
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 are attracted to their videos so that they can receive good revenue.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that the educational aspect should be appreciated.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because the
media
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 can have very strong effects on the minds of audiences, especially children and teenagers. They can learn about right or wrong things through watching programs,
while
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 adults can learn many lessons when they use
media
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.
Therefore
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people
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 should be careful about
content
Add an article
the content
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 of the
media
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 they watch that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 them and their families. In conclusion, even though there are different views between
entertainment
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 and educational purposes of
media
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, I agree with both of these views.
However
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, It depends on each individual to opt for what kinds of
media
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 they use and for what reasons they choose them.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced and in-depth discussion of both views
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clearer transition between paragraphs and use cohesive devices to improve coherence
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