IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 5.5

Some people think that the media should be for entertainment only, while others believe that media should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #entertainment #values
While
 some
people
 believe that the
media
such
 as television,
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
show examples
, etc should only be used for
entertainment
, others think that
media
 should bring the values of education to consumers. From my point of view, the
media
 should be both entertaining and educational. On the one hand, It is often argued that
media
 should
be
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a prominent role
to serve
Change preposition
in serving
show examples
entertainment
 purposes. The primary reason is that nowadays,
people
 who experience more stress in working and studying simply demand
using
Wrong verb form
the use of
show examples
media
 in order to entertain and release pressure.
Furthermore
, the
media
 is a part of the
entertainment
 industry. The aims of
this
 industry are used for entertain to earn a lot of money and create career opportunities in many countries.
For example
, via social networking like Youtube, and Facebook, content creators use
media
 to bring
entertainment
.
Also
, more and more
people
 are attracted to their videos so that they can receive good revenue.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that the educational aspect should be appreciated.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because the
media
 can have very strong effects on the minds of audiences, especially children and teenagers. They can learn about right or wrong things through watching programs,
while
 adults can learn many lessons when they use
media
.
Therefore
people
 should be careful about
content
Add an article
the content
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 of the
media
 they watch that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 them and their families. In conclusion, even though there are different views between
entertainment
 and educational purposes of
media
, I agree with both of these views.
However
, It depends on each individual to opt for what kinds of
media
 they use and for what reasons they choose them.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced and in-depth discussion of both views
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clearer transition between paragraphs and use cohesive devices to improve coherence
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