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Writing Samples
Band 5

Older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What are the problems will this cause? And what solutions can be recommended?

#people #employment
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With the development of society and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, a growing number of older
people
Use synonyms
 who are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 occupation can be witnessed now.It is hard to deny that there would definitely be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 between them and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation, which may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
show examples
. First and foremost, the unemployment rate may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
increase. As we all know, there are limited positions in
employment
Add an article
the employment
show examples
 market as more and more
people
Use synonyms
swarming
Wrong verb form
swarm
show examples
 into
this
Linking Words
 area.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the situation that demand will
exceeds
Change the verb form
exceed
show examples
 supply would be more serious. Compared with the youth,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 don’t have superiority which may
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the older
people
Use synonyms
’s employment rate.Low employment might
also
Linking Words
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instability in society, say, some seniors are likely to go suicide or destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public equipment.
Additionally
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
’s health may suffer from
this
Linking Words
 high-stress
competition
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 younger
people
Use synonyms
 normally have more energy and
Add a missing verb
are passionate
show examples
passionate
Replace the word
passion
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 about the work, competing with them is obviously tough and arduous.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the body of seniors would be destroyed so that strengthen
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 burden.
However
Linking Words
,various manners can be advised in terms of these difficulties.
Firstly
Linking Words
,it is indispensable to provide more careers that suit older
people
Use synonyms
 like
Add an article
a doorkeeper
show examples
doorkeeper
Fix the agreement mistake
doorkeepers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
require
Change the verb form
requires
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less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 skills and experience, which means there will be less
competition
Use synonyms
 with young
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,not only can
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 kill
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time but
also
Linking Words
 they can gain
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 easily.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 needs to update the system of social security and medical, bringing more care and convenience to older
people
Use synonyms
 so that they will have a healthier
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and better
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 medical and economic burden would be relieved relatively and society would be more peaceful. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 plenty of troubles may
arose
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the
competition
Use synonyms
 between seniors and youth about pursuing jobs, there still have many suggestions to tackle them.
Submitted by yuetongli98 on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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