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Band 6.5

A person's health is their own responsibility rather than the government's responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#person #health #responsibility #government
In
this
 contemporary epoch, being healthy is a serious matter and, at the same time, a precious thing to have. Many individuals believe that every person should be held responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
 care of himself rather than placing
this
 burden upon the government. My personal position strongly agrees with that claim,
therefore
, in
this
 essay, my supporting points will be provided
along with
 relevant examples. First and foremost, a person's quality of life in terms of health is something that could only be felt by the same concerned individual.
In other words
, when someone is ill, he is, in the majority of cases, the one who is feeling so. By the same logic, it is understandable that he or she needs to follow the minimum of the prescribed recommendations in order to sustain well-being. to exemplify, the Asian diet is by far, healthier than the Western which implies that Asian folks choose to eat so rather than following an unhealthy diet.
Secondly
, it might be said that even if the government contributes to improving the lives of its inhabitants, it is in the end, the responsibility of the public to
wether
Verb problem
apply
show examples
follow the instructions or, in the worst scenario, simply reject them.
Moreover
, the functional unit of any given society is a single human being, by extension, a healthy society means a community made of many healthy human beings,
consequently
, it is logical for anyone to be his own health's guardian.
To sum up
, improving the well-being of folks should be a mass of personal actions rather than waiting for the authorities to find solutions that can only be applicable if people comply with them.
Submitted by ymbibo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction explicitly presents your position and outlines the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear conclusion summarizing the main points and restating your position.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Develop a broader range of vocabulary, including synonyms and advanced vocabulary, to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Work on using a more varied sentence structure, including complex and compound sentences, to showcase grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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