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Band 6

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.
#reason #land
The charts illustrate the information on crucial causes of worldwide agricultural
land
 degradation and each country's main reasons in North America,
Europe
 and Oceania during the 1990s.
Overall
, over-grazing accounted for the largest proportion in
this
 chart followed by
deforestation
while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 comprised the smallest.
Also
, the most degraded region was
Europe
.
Europe
's main reason was
deforestation
. Looking at the first graph,
it is clear that
 over-grazing was the most serious reason
of
Change preposition
for
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land
 corruption at 35%.
However
, the ratio of
deforestation
 and over-cultivation was roughly the same with
deforestation
 at 30% and 28% each. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 was the smallest and it is 7 times as little as over-grazing.
According to
 the second graph, North America had the least
land
 deterioration among the three areas at 5%
while
Europe
 was the most degraded at 23%.
Also
, the most significant reason was different
by
Change preposition
apply
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regions
Fix the agreement mistake
region
show examples
. North America was affected
from
Change preposition
by
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 over-cultivation at 3.3% and
Europe
's main cause of
land
 degradation was
deforestation
 at 9.8%.
Finally
, Oceania was mainly affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 over-grazing at 11.3%
Submitted by jjhtoki on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words land, europe, deforestation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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