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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.

The pie chart shows the main reason why agricultural land becomes less productive.
#reason #land
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The charts illustrate the information on crucial causes of worldwide agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 degradation and each country's main reasons in North America,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and Oceania during the 1990s.
Overall
Linking Words
, over-grazing accounted for the largest proportion in
this
Linking Words
 chart followed by
deforestation
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 comprised the smallest.
Also
Linking Words
, the most degraded region was
Europe
Use synonyms
.
Europe
Use synonyms
's main reason was
deforestation
Use synonyms
. Looking at the first graph,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 over-grazing was the most serious reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 corruption at 35%.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio of
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and over-cultivation was roughly the same with
deforestation
Use synonyms
 at 30% and 28% each. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the other
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other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 was the smallest and it is 7 times as little as over-grazing.
According to
Linking Words
 the second graph, North America had the least
land
Use synonyms
 deterioration among the three areas at 5%
while
Linking Words
Europe
Use synonyms
 was the most degraded at 23%.
Also
Linking Words
, the most significant reason was different
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regions
Fix the agreement mistake
region
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. North America was affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 over-cultivation at 3.3% and
Europe
Use synonyms
's main cause of
land
Use synonyms
 degradation was
deforestation
Use synonyms
 at 9.8%.
Finally
Linking Words
, Oceania was mainly affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 over-grazing at 11.3%
Submitted by jjhtoki on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words land, europe, deforestation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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