DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY.

this

Change preposition

In this

show examples

day and age, famous

people

’s earnings are controversial since netizens argue that they are paid much more than what they are doing. As far as I am concerned, I only agree to a certain extent with

this

opinion. In

this

essay, I will explain the reasons for

this

argument. On the one hand, it is accurate that

celebrities

have more opportunities to earn

money

than ordinary

people

due to

their fame. Their incomes would come from advertisements that they shot or from filming movies.

Furthermore

, some well-known

people

make

money

from businesses

such

as opening their own brands or becoming investors.

However

, few

celebrities

use

this

money

for charity to help elder

people

, homeless

people

, or disabilities… they are good works. It means that they do not waste their incomes but use them to better

people

’s

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For instance

, Taylor Swift is famous for donating one million dollars to help

people

who

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

victims of Louisiana’s flood in 2016.

On the other hand

, nurses, government employees, and other jobs are more important than

celebrities

. They deserve to be paid a lot more

money

than famous

people

because their

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more practical.

Besides

, a few

celebrities

do not work hard but they still get a lot of

money

so they start to waste

money

. The married couple Beyonce and Jay-Z are exemplary, they spend more than two hundred thousand USD for celebrating a birthday party for their daughter-Blue Ivy. In conclusion, each job has its own payment, but each field should be paid equally.

Submitted by jasmin6pham on Thu Apr 06 2023

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task response

Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed in the essay. You have provided some relevant points but could have elaborated further on the idea of whether celebrities are paid too much.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure that the essay has a clear structure with well-developed paragraphs that flow logically. Your essay contains decent organization but could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to add depth and variety to your essay. While your word choice is generally appropriate, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary will enhance your writing.

grammatical range

Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar. There are a few errors throughout the essay that can be improved with more careful proofreading.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

lucrative
revenue
sponsorships
merchandise
career longevity
market demand
economic contribution
role models
influence
entertainment industry

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DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than every other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support this claim.

The government should sometimes infringe on peoples' freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

When country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?