DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY.

#celebrities #money

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Linking Words

this

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In this

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day and age, famous

people

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’s earnings are controversial since netizens argue that they are paid much more than what they are doing. As far as I am concerned, I only agree to a certain extent with

this

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opinion. In

this

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essay, I will explain the reasons for

this

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argument. On the one hand, it is accurate that

celebrities

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have more opportunities to earn

money

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than ordinary

people

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due to

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their fame. Their incomes would come from advertisements that they shot or from filming movies.

Furthermore

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, some well-known

people

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make

money

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from businesses

such

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as opening their own brands or becoming investors.

However

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, few

celebrities

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use

this

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money

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for charity to help elder

people

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, homeless

people

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, or disabilities… they are good works. It means that they do not waste their incomes but use them to better

people

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’s

life

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lives

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For instance

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, Taylor Swift is famous for donating one million dollars to help

people

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who

are

Wrong verb form

were

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victims of Louisiana’s flood in 2016.

On the other hand

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, nurses, government employees, and other jobs are more important than

celebrities

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. They deserve to be paid a lot more

money

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than famous

people

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because their

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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more practical.

Besides

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, a few

celebrities

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do not work hard but they still get a lot of

money

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so they start to waste

money

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. The married couple Beyonce and Jay-Z are exemplary, they spend more than two hundred thousand USD for celebrating a birthday party for their daughter-Blue Ivy. In conclusion, each job has its own payment, but each field should be paid equally.

Submitted by jasmin6pham on Thu Apr 06 2023

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task response

Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed in the essay. You have provided some relevant points but could have elaborated further on the idea of whether celebrities are paid too much.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure that the essay has a clear structure with well-developed paragraphs that flow logically. Your essay contains decent organization but could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to add depth and variety to your essay. While your word choice is generally appropriate, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary will enhance your writing.

grammatical range

Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar. There are a few errors throughout the essay that can be improved with more careful proofreading.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

255 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

lucrative
revenue
sponsorships
merchandise
career longevity
market demand
economic contribution
role models
influence
entertainment industry

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DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE THAT CELEBRITIES ARE PAID FAR TOO MUCH MONEY.

Fully explain your ideas

Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some countries pay high salaries to its employees. It is argued that countries must not do it and impose limits on salaries. Do you agree or disagree ?

In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people’s skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society

Reserarch show that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. what is the causes of this ? what can be done ?