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Band 5.5

some people believe that parents should devote more tome to helping their children with their schoolwork. others think that they should allocate more time to playing sports with their kids.

#people #parents #tome #children #schoolwork #time #sports #kids
The nourishment of the
child
 is a vital issue. Every parent hopes their kid can develop well in the future. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic
performance
 and
exercise
 are important during growth periods. I firmly believe that in the limited
time
 of the growing children should spend more
time
 on study. To grow up with a healthy body, playing sports and exercising are inevitable works. Not only could strengthen their body but
also
 build up the relationship between the family.
For instance
, my dad usually played basketball with me and my mom taught me yoga when I was a
child
. I enjoyed the fantastic
time
 that we experienced together.
This
 is helpful to ease my academic pressure and it might be the reason why
that
Correct word choice
apply
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I become so tall. I think I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
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strong body can attribute to my parents doing
exercise
 with me.
However
, I contend that parents should pay more attention to their kid’s school
performance
. Because kids will play with their peers instinctively that could support enough
exercise
to
Change preposition
for
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 the
child
. One of the parent’s characters is supporting their
child
 on their school assignment. knowledge is an essential ability to keep on the social trend. To make their
child
 more competitive that academic
performance
 is quite important.
Furthermore
, learning more knowledge could broaden their horizon to attach more opportunities in the future. In conclusion, doing
exercise
 can make their
child
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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healthier.
However
, they will play sports with their classmate rather than their parents. So, I consider that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent should take more
time
 on their children's assignments and academic
performance
.
Submitted by CC on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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