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Band 3.5

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

#rise #world #population #humanity #time
To begin
 with.
It is clear that
 there is a significantly continuous
population
growth
 in the world, which is the main
problem
 that we have to deal with at the present time.
Thus
, I strongly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the continued rise in
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
population
 is
urgent
Add an article
an urgent
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problem
 faced by mankind, if we keep ignoring
this
problem
,
otherwise
, it will lead to some counterproductive things.
The one
Change the article
One
show examples
 of the causes is that
food
 insecurity is attributed to
population
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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.
For instance
,
there
Correct word choice
if there
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 is insufficient
food
 con offer
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
,
those
Correct word choice
and those
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 who can not be supplied with
food
 will result in famine.
According to a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 study indicated that there are going to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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100 million people died because of famine. The other causes are that global warming
is resulted
Change to the active voice
results
has resulted
show examples
 from
population
growth
. Increasing
in
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apply
show examples
carbon dioxide emissions will contribute to
greenhouse
Add an article
the greenhouse
show examples
 effect,
also
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 keep going up will drain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy and resources,
such
 as oil fields, fossil fuels and water resources.
However
,
continued
Add an article
the continued
show examples
population
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 might bring about some merits, take labour productivity
for example
, the
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 labour force could offer, the higher productivity could be.
Moreover
, a country having more people could bring more people who are talented, which can promote national development. In the end,
although
 continued
population
growth
 has some adverse and drawbacks, the disadvantages,
such
 as
food
 insecurity and global warming are the greatest
problem
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be faced by mankind,
hence
, we should put more effort into handling
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the problems that
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from
population
growth
.
Submitted by miainspirit on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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