IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30s . Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

#cost #people #parents #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most young aged into their 30s pushing them to become
depending
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the rising value of housing.
This
Linking Words
 current situation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drawbacks to young
people
Use synonyms
 and especially to their
parents
Use synonyms
. At
this
Linking Words
 time, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youth
Add an article
the youth
show examples
 are more
relying
Replace the word
reliant
show examples
to
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 and not capable to live on their own. As a
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
results
Add a comma
,results
show examples
 they are not developing skills when it comes to interaction
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
but also
show examples
 solving a
problem
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 own way.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, guardians are the one who suffers
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
Linking Words
 action and one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why their children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still depending on them.
In addition
Linking Words
, we all know in our world
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are expensive to buy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to many
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
deciding to stay
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 other things they need.
However
Linking Words
, if
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
this
Linking Words
 routine
maintain
Change the verb form
maintains
show examples
 sooner or later their own family or future children will
depending
Wrong verb form
depend
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them as a cycle and cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our society a big
problem
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some of them are not working and chose to stay at home all the time especially, to other
people
Use synonyms
 with
neurological
Add an article
a neurological
show examples
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 they need much more attention and interaction
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will give them a chance to improve their intellectual side.
To conclude
Linking Words
, living
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
 home is not a
problem
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, we need to know the limitations
as well as
Linking Words
need
Add an article
the need
a need
show examples
 to move on our own to have a good purpose
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our life even so to our
parents
Use synonyms
. Let's help and give them what they
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
deserve.
Submitted by cristelsarondo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: