Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is under discussion that
money
Use synonyms
from the government should be allocated to the Department of
Art
Use synonyms
and
Culture
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
the other opposes
this
Linking Words
opinion
instead
Linking Words
of spending
money
Use synonyms
on
art
Use synonyms
and
culture
Use synonyms
they should spend a good amount on other crucial matters
such
Linking Words
as environmental issue and health sector. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss both views.
To begin
Linking Words
with, some believe that the government spends a good amount for the welfare of people and gives a good amount for
art
Use synonyms
and
culture
Use synonyms
to promote traditional values. Because it keeps the traditions alive as
culture
Use synonyms
is the soul of the countries and represents us throughout the world, it will boost cultural diversity.
For example
Linking Words
, Eid festivals, and Christmas Day. ester are the important events and they represent our cultures if we cannot focus on
this
Linking Words
they become devalued and vanish slowly. To make them live and grow it is good to spend on
this
Linking Words
and enhance the beauty of
such
Linking Words
traditions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, individuals think that the ministry should allot
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
to control pollution and improve the transport system.
Due to
Linking Words
congestion many face difficulties reaching their destinations on time and spend
money
Use synonyms
on introducing electric cars so the rate of pollution control is impacting health badly mostly, folks suffer from respiratory diseases.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people who suffer from
such
Linking Words
conditions do not have proper hospitals to help them to cure the diseases and their condition becomes worse and
hence
Linking Words
die just because of less equipment and resources in the hospital. So they must pay attention to
this
Linking Words
side.
For instance
Linking Words
, the people of Sindh are dying just because of a shortage of water and don't have valuable resources.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is the foremost duty of government to work for humanity. In conclusion, I believe that
money
Use synonyms
should be allocated to promote
culture
Use synonyms
and
art
Use synonyms
as it plays a significant role in making the community strong and united so it needs financial support.
However
Linking Words
, factors must be taken into consideration
such
Linking Words
as environmental issues and health to keep societies healthy and fit from all diseases.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the debate, but the thesis statement could be more clear. Clearly state which side you support in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are a bit convoluted and could benefit from more straightforward language to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay could use more detailed and varied examples to fully support your points. Try to provide specific instances or data where possible.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. This will help with overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Sometimes the vocabulary and grammar slips make it a bit harder to understand some points. Keep sentences straightforward and avoid too many complex structures in one sentence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion does not only restate but also subtly synthesizes your main points to offer a final perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion does restate the main points of the essay and provides a personal viewpoint, which is good for wrapping up.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both sides of the argument and provided points for each, which shows a thorough approach to the task.
task achievement
The essay covers important areas like health care and cultural events, showing a balanced approach.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: