Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is under discussion that
money
from the government should be allocated to the Department of Art
and Culture
. Whereas
the other opposes this
opinion instead
of spending money
on art
and culture
they should spend a good amount on other crucial matters such
as environmental issue and health sector. In this
essay, I will discuss both views.
To begin
with, some believe that the government spends a good amount for the welfare of people and gives a good amount for art
and culture
to promote traditional values. Because it keeps the traditions alive as culture
is the soul of the countries and represents us throughout the world, it will boost cultural diversity. For example
, Eid festivals, and Christmas Day. ester are the important events and they represent our cultures if we cannot focus on this
they become devalued and vanish slowly. To make them live and grow it is good to spend on this
and enhance the beauty of such
traditions.
On the other hand
, individuals think that the ministry should allot this
money
to control pollution and improve the transport system. Due to
congestion many face difficulties reaching their destinations on time and spend money
on introducing electric cars so the rate of pollution control is impacting health badly mostly, folks suffer from respiratory diseases. Secondly
, people who suffer from such
conditions do not have proper hospitals to help them to cure the diseases and their condition becomes worse and hence
die just because of less equipment and resources in the hospital. So they must pay attention to this
side. For instance
, the people of Sindh are dying just because of a shortage of water and don't have valuable resources. Therefore
, it is the foremost duty of government to work for humanity.
In conclusion, I believe that money
should be allocated to promote culture
and art
as it plays a significant role in making the community strong and united so it needs financial support. However
, factors must be taken into consideration such
as environmental issues and health to keep societies healthy and fit from all diseases.Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on
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task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the debate, but the thesis statement could be more clear. Clearly state which side you support in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are a bit convoluted and could benefit from more straightforward language to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Your essay could use more detailed and varied examples to fully support your points. Try to provide specific instances or data where possible.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. This will help with overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Sometimes the vocabulary and grammar slips make it a bit harder to understand some points. Keep sentences straightforward and avoid too many complex structures in one sentence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion does not only restate but also subtly synthesizes your main points to offer a final perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion does restate the main points of the essay and provides a personal viewpoint, which is good for wrapping up.
task achievement
You’ve addressed both sides of the argument and provided points for each, which shows a thorough approach to the task.
task achievement
The essay covers important areas like health care and cultural events, showing a balanced approach.
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