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Band 7

Teenagers are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a severe problem in their mental and physical health. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#teenagers #time #computers #health
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In the 21st century, technological development is spreading all over the globe, especially among teenagers who spent too much
time
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 on computers, laptops and TV, causing several problems in their mental and physical health. I completely agree that spending lots of
time
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 on technological devices will expose teenagers to mental and physical health issues.
To begin
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 with,
Add an article
the
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digital device does offer advantages
such
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 as e-books and study materials,and a wide range of information
although
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 they lack the motivation to utilize these virtues.
Instead
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, they spent lots of
time
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 on the screen watching series, playing games, chatting and involving in unnecessary items which made them addicted.
As a result
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, negative influences brain to become headaches
as well as
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 mental drawbacks. The New York Times reported in March 2018 that dependent technological utilisation involved by juveniles, is being slow down their brain activities by under 70%.
On the other hand
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, the children who sat the whole day behind the computer desk were more than exhausted compared to those who don’t sit. if they continue
this
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 situation, it will bring to overweight and made lazier. Because looking at the video doing exercise is not the same as doing exercise well.
Moreover
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, the constant use of digital devices huge gaps between parents and children because the bulk of children’s
time
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 is spent on computers
while
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 parents don’t claim their
time
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 management. In conclusion, I fully accept that the utilization of digital screens is influencing those who are seeing on computers and will lead to several problems in their mental and physical health.
Submitted by gantulgaamarzaya6 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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