Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #children #citizens #workers #individuals

It is indeed a fact that the primary focus of schooling is to a good national and workers

instead

of emphasizing

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themselves as a human. I certainly agree with the statement and

this

essay will discuss the logical reasons for my agreement.

Firstly

, one of the primary reasons for

that is

that they do not learn about their own culture and religion and they are taught an incorrect definition of

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success at school.

Consequently

, the students just aim to earn money and build up the maximum wealth in which they forget precious relations and culture behind.

For instance

, the majority who are greedy for money is mostly in spoiled relationships

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and separate

life

from their parents and siblings.

Hence

, they indeed become successful,

however

, do not live a joyful

life

In addition

, subjects taught at school are primarily job oriented,

however

, a topic to maintain

health

and stay fit throughout the

life

span is highly neglected.

As a result

, students do learn about securing a job

however

Correct word choice

but

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never prioritize their physical and mental

health

Consequently

, they end up suffering from severe diseases by the middle ages of their lives and die early.

For instance

, the average

life

span of people is not descended to 70 years which in early ages when the schools would have mandatory yoga and meditation lessons

Correct your spelling

resulted

inresulted

Correct your spelling

resulted

in resulted

insulted

individuals

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in individuals

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with better

health

and mental stability. In conclusion, School subjects are turning students into

a money-making machines

Correct the article-noun agreement

a money-making machine

money-making machines

show examples

where they entirely overlook their own

health

, culture and precious relations.

Submitted by ankit.heart25 on Thu Apr 06 2023

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers, rather than benefiting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Most employers nowadays put increasing emphasis on social skills. Some people believe that social skills are important in adddition to good qualification for job success. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 1: The plans below show a school library five years ago and the same library now.

In some countries the average weight of people in increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve it?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.